Comments on: Heather – “One Thing Led to Another” http://www.davidtrotter.tv/relationships/heather/ Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:27:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 By: Heather http://www.davidtrotter.tv/relationships/heather/comment-page-1/#comment-1709 Heather Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:21:27 +0000 http://www.davidtrotter.tv/?p=2107#comment-1709 He's friends with him too. Now, I have nothing to hide. Everything I do is in the open. I agree. For most people, it would be a bad idea. Something changed inside me though and it's something I wouldn't do again. The guy I had the affair with has told his current wife the whole truth about me and I am friends with her, as well. It's a unique situation. My current husband has his own past. We knew each other before Christ. We have seen obvious changes in each other-in the way we think, the way we believe, the way we respond... and when you see those kinds of changes and know that they're real, it stops inhibiting trust. When my current husband and I started dating again (he was my high school sweetheart), I told him point blank who he was and he did keep an eye on things for a while. I told him if he was uncomfortable with it, I'd stop hanging around with him. My husband (boyfriend at the time) said no...either he had to be able to trust me or we shouldn't be together. Today, they hang out more than he and I do. It is a rare circumstance, indeed, and it's something I wouldn't encourage other people to do. It's just how things worked out for us. There's no temptation. The affair happened in the first place because he was everything I didn't have at home. Those circumstances have changed and who I am have changed. He's friends with him too. Now, I have nothing to hide. Everything I do is in the open. I agree. For most people, it would be a bad idea. Something changed inside me though and it's something I wouldn't do again. The guy I had the affair with has told his current wife the whole truth about me and I am friends with her, as well. It's a unique situation. My current husband has his own past. We knew each other before Christ. We have seen obvious changes in each other-in the way we think, the way we believe, the way we respond… and when you see those kinds of changes and know that they're real, it stops inhibiting trust. When my current husband and I started dating again (he was my high school sweetheart), I told him point blank who he was and he did keep an eye on things for a while. I told him if he was uncomfortable with it, I'd stop hanging around with him. My husband (boyfriend at the time) said no…either he had to be able to trust me or we shouldn't be together. Today, they hang out more than he and I do. It is a rare circumstance, indeed, and it's something I wouldn't encourage other people to do. It's just how things worked out for us. There's no temptation. The affair happened in the first place because he was everything I didn't have at home. Those circumstances have changed and who I am have changed.

]]> By: Lance http://www.davidtrotter.tv/relationships/heather/comment-page-1/#comment-1708 Lance Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:10:51 +0000 http://www.davidtrotter.tv/?p=2107#comment-1708 My wife's first marriage ended in very similar fashion to the scenario above. The affair continued, unknown to me, after my wife and I started our relationship. Only after we were married was I told that the affair had still been in progress while we had been dating. Three years later, we love each other very much and have a strong marriage overall but our history makes every day a challenge to trust and move forward. As the "new husband" in my scenario, I'd be interested to hear Heather's explanation on why it's ok for her to continue to be friends with the man she had the affair with. I would think that would be very hurtful and stressful for her current husband. Even if he was ok with it, it seems like that's just a bad idea. Obviously, as a Christian, Heather's past has been forgiven and wiped clean. But continuing a friendship like that seems to me to be like a recovering alcoholic who occasionally visits a bar-they may not be drinking in the bar, but the temptation is always there. My wife's first marriage ended in very similar fashion to the scenario above. The affair continued, unknown to me, after my wife and I started our relationship. Only after we were married was I told that the affair had still been in progress while we had been dating. Three years later, we love each other very much and have a strong marriage overall but our history makes every day a challenge to trust and move forward.

As the "new husband" in my scenario, I'd be interested to hear Heather's explanation on why it's ok for her to continue to be friends with the man she had the affair with. I would think that would be very hurtful and stressful for her current husband. Even if he was ok with it, it seems like that's just a bad idea. Obviously, as a Christian, Heather's past has been forgiven and wiped clean. But continuing a friendship like that seems to me to be like a recovering alcoholic who occasionally visits a bar-they may not be drinking in the bar, but the temptation is always there.

]]>