Hard Choice #4 – “We Waded Into the Pain”

As my new book “Lost + Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair” is making its way into the hands of readers, Laura and I are sharing 5 Hard Choices We Made During Our Reconciliation. These are key ways that we were able to deal with the pain and brokenness in our marriage instead of simply sweeping it under the rug. Whether you’re dealing with overcoming an affair or simply trying to develop a more intimate relationship, we hope these choices may be beneficial to you as well.

Here are the first three hard choices we needed to make in order to find our way toward reconciliation.
Choice #1 – “I Shut My Mouth”
Choice #2 – “We Looked in the Mirror”
Choice #3 – “I’m Sorry Wasn’t Enough”

Today, we’re sharing another important decision we made that helped us develop personal health that led to a great possibility of reconciliation in our marriage. Feel free to watch the short video or read a few insights below.

Choice #4 – “We Waded Into the Pain”

Rather than avoiding the pain, we actually created space for it to exist in our lives. The truth was the both of us were experiencing a great deal of grief, remorse, and loss in the situation.

Laura was experiencing the loss of a best friend, the loss a long list of friends who drifted away as she reconciled with me, and the loss of “all that once was.” I was experiencing the grief of my relationship with the other woman, the loss of my role as a the leader of the church I planted, and the attacks from those who were hurt in the process.

Here’s the key…we gave each other the grace to process the loss and changes in our lives.

We would talk and listen to one another as “triggers” would cause us to feel the depth of our situation. Rather than holding it in or stuffing it deep down inside, we were (and are) willing to process it. It’s uncomfortable to be that vulnerable, but wading into the pain actually made it dissipate as we healed.