Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Wife
Posted on June 9, 2010
If you’re contemplating an affair or simply leaving your wife, there are innumerable reasons why you should go through with the decision. Since I have some experience in this area, I’d be happy to share a few of my thoughts in the form of the top 10 reasons to go for it.
Perhaps you’re feeling bored with your marriage…more like roommates than anything else. Or, maybe you’re experiencing so much conflict with her that you just can’t take it anymore. Or, you may not be attracted anymore to the woman you originally pledged your love to (i.e., your wife), and you’ve found some hot chick at work…or church.
Whatever the situation may be, you’ve probably been searching for “good reasons” to go ahead and make a move. You know all the reasons NOT to do it, but you’re probably hoping that there is another perspective that would align with the longings of your heart. Well, you’ve come to the right place. All those men’s magazines tell you how to get laid, but I want to help you understand why to have the affair.
You may not actually want to physically “leave” your wife…maybe you just want to have a little fun on the side. Statistics show that if you cheat (and get caught), you’ll eventually leave her…or she’ll leave you. One or the other usually happens. Well, let’s cut to the chase!
If you leave your wife, you can expect to…
10. Enjoy plenty of time and space to do your own thing.
All those “honey do” lists will be long gone. There will only be one thing she’ll want you to do…move out. Unfortunately, you’ll need to have a brief conversation about finances and how that will all work. She’ll probably get really angry with you, but it will be worth it. You will soon be shopping for your own apartment, and you can choose whatever you want. At first, you’ll get excited about that killer bachelor pad in the cool part of town (by the beach if you live near one), but you’ll probably settle for the most affordable option…a studio apartment or a one-bedroom unit near your family’s home (where you used to live). You’ll pull together whatever furniture you can find, and your schedule will be completely freed up. That is, once you shop for all the things you took for granted at your former home…pots, pans, towels, sheets, toilet paper, soap…you get the point. Have fun with all that new-found time and space!
9. Watch any movie you want and play video games 24/7.
You know all those violent action movies or pay-per-view pornos…feel free to watch them now. No one will be complaining or watching over your shoulder. On top of that, you’ll need to buy a new video game system for the kids when they come over. And, the great thing about it is…you’ll get to play it 24/7 when they’re not around. Your wife won’t be around to want your attention anymore. You’ll be able to turn off all the lights, crank up the sound, and kill everything in sight!
8. Eat anything and everything.
You know how your wife used to keep the fridge and cabinets stocked with all sorts of food? You get to do that now. (By the way, did you buy a refrigerator yet? You’ll probably need one of those.) Fill it with as much meat as you want…or microwave meals. Those things are way easier to fix than anything else, and there’s not a single thing to wash…as long as you use a plastic fork as well. Those are quite handy! If you don’t feel like eating, you won’t need to. And, if you just want to eat a bunch of crap all the time, go right ahead…hit that drive-thru every day on the way to and from work. By the way, be prepared to buy some bigger pants!
7. Work out as much or little as you’d like.
Since you’ll have so much time on your hands, working out may become a nightly activity for yourself. In the past, you may not have had enough time with some of your family duties, but now you’ll have more time than you know what to do with. You’ll probably want to lose those 10-100 pounds you’ve been packing on during the comfy years of marriage, because the hottie you’re having an affair with won’t be that impressed. If you’re not already having an affair, you’ll definitely want to lose the weight in preparation to find a new and improved woman. Jump on that treadmill, and start sweatin’ off the pounds!
6. Spend only a few hours a week with the kids.
I know you love your kids, but let’s just admit that they can be a pain in the butt. They’re completely self-centered. They want everything in sight. And, on top of that, they whine and cry. Another great thing about leaving your wife is that the kids will stay with her. You’ll have another one of those brief, painful conversations about when, where, and how you’ll spend time with the little rugrats. In the beginning, you’ll be bummed that you don’t get to see them all the time, but you’ll get over it. Every time you see them, you’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy. You’ll buy them toys, games, and fun stuff to eat. And, you can take them to places that their mother can’t afford to take them to…amusement parks, out to dinner, and any movie they want to see. Once they go home, you won’t have to worry about baths, homework, or bedtime craziness. Of course, you’ll miss out on the before-bed routines…answering precious questions, praying with them, and snuggling in bed. But, that’s okay, you won’t have to put up with all the tough stuff either!
5. Experience the golden silence of no nagging wife or screaming children.
Once the kids are back at the house where you used to live, you’ll have your apartment all to yourself. Total and complete silence…no more nagging wife telling you to pick up your underwear or wash your dishes or quit farting during dinner. No more screaming and whining from the kids when you ask them to do their homework, clean their room, or brush their teeth before bed. How does that silence sound to your ears? Golden? Yeah, now you can replace it with more soothing noises…music, movies, video games, and the crunching of chips as you eat them all alone in peace. You’ll start to hear the clock tick, the fan in your computer spin, and the footsteps of your neighbors as they approach their door. You’ll hear everything…even the voices within. How does all that sound?
4. Choose whether or not you even want to go to church.
You know how your wife asked you about all that spiritual stuff? Maybe even going to church? Now, you won’t have to deal with any of that nonsense. Let her chat about all that touchy-feely crap with all her girlfriends. Be a man, and be strong! All that Christian crap is for people who just need a crutch to deal with life. I’m sure you won’t need any of that. It doesn’t work anyway, right? Just pop open a beer, and plop down in front of the TV to veg out. Find something else to make you feel good….anything…just figure out what works for you. Of course, if all else fails, that whole God thing could be a back up plan. What do you think?
3. Have the opportunity to date anyone you meet.
Total and complete freedom…that’s what this new life is all about. Anyone you meet is fair game. Sign up for match.com or eHarmony. Create that profile…but you should probably omit that whole “I-just-left-my-wife” thing. That’s not exactly attractive to all those women looking for Mr. Right. I guess you’ll need to do one of two things. One option is to come up with a “story” that explains away that white ring around your finger where your wedding band used to sit. Maybe you could say that your wife died…or she’s the one who left. I’m sure you’ll come up with something. The second option is to date women who don’t care that you just left your wife. You’ll probably find those gals at the club downtown. Look for the really high skirts and the clear high heels.
2. Work as many hours as you’d like.
If you like to work a lot, now is your opportunity! Don’t worry about making it home for dinner on time. Make those extra calls. Take on that project that no one else wants to work on. Suck up to your boss and do whatever he/she wants you to do. On top of that, you can now take clients out for drinks, and you won’t need to worry about getting home before the kids go to bed. With all these extra hours at work, people will notice that you’re an amazing team member. They’ll affirm you for your hard work like your wife and kids never could. Congrats on finally getting the attention and affirmation of the people who matter the most!
1. Enjoy lots and lots of sex.
Finally, the number one reason to leave your wife…sex. Let’s face it. Your sex life hasn’t been that great recently…right? Now you can have sex every single day with that new hot flame you’ve hooked up with…no need to sneak around anymore! It’s new and exciting, and you won’t be able to keep your hands off one another. In fact, you’ll probably be making love multiple times a day…before and after work. You’re finally living every guy’s dream. Of course, it’ll slow down eventually. Sooner or later, you’ll need to develop an actual relationship where you talk more than you grope and develop vulnerable intimacy more than getting naked. Don’t worry about that now though. There’s plenty of time to figure that out later…just like you did in your last marriage, right? If you’re not having an affair already, you’ll now have the chance to hook up with anyone you meet…at least whoever wants to be with a guy who’s just left his wife. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there like that.
There are plenty of “reasons” to leave your wife…whether you’ve had the balls to have an affair yet or not. If these reasons haven’t convinced you quite yet (to avoid the pain we went through) and you’re still contemplating what to do with your life, Laura and I would love to be a resource for you and your wife. Email us for help.