Do You Want to Leave Home?
Today after I dropped off the kids at school, I turned on NPR rather than singing along to the same kid’s CD we play every weekday. “Morning Edition” was playing an interview with the famed band Ok Go who has benefited from over 50 million views of their video, “Here It Goes Again.” Neither the name of the band or song may ring a bell, but you’ll probably remember watching four guys on treadmills in skinny pants and ties a couple of years ago. That’s them.
I wasn’t aware of this band (other than their video) before this morning, but I found them quite endearing.
They talked about the fact that their first record and the YouTube hit video led to 31 months of touring…and the toll that it took on their lives.
“That basically destroys everything in your life. It takes a toll on you emotionally and personally.”
Interviewer: “So you both sacrificed personal relationships for the band…”
“Not intentionally necessarily, but yeah…you wind up 3 years later a totally different person unsure of how you got there.”
“It’s a strange thing to look back and eventually we all ended up back at home sitting on our bed going like, ‘Oh my God, I think we won a Grammy. I’m not sure, but I think I remember that.”
“It’s a dream come true, but sometimes when you get your dreams you realize when you come back to real life you go…’this is my life?’”
There was this sense of appreciation for all that the success they had enjoyed, but it was bittersweet. You could hear the loss in their voices as well…the loss of something that they didn’t quite appreciate before they left home on tour. Yes, it was a dream come true, but it also hasn’t been everything they hoped it would be.
I know that feeling.
Leaving “home” to pursue a dream, vision, or passion can be a wonderful thing…even if it’s only in my mind. It can also have unanticipated consequences and outcomes. No matter how great something is, there will also be pain and hardship. Nothing is ever perfect. When I lay in bed and envision the “better” life I’ll have when a goal finally comes to fruition (like I did last night), it’s fantasy. It’s pornographic. Although it may drive me to pursue something, it won’t satisfy that deep down craving I have. Although I’ve gotten off on these fantasies of success my entire life, they aren’t working anymore.
I’ve fantasized for so long that I naturally turn to it to soothe my soul, but it’s just not working any more. I’ll close my eyes and envision great things happening…but there’s no hit.
There is something that does satisfy me though…”resting at home.”
When I’m in that place where I’m just enjoying the “rest” of being with my family wherever we are…that’s a good feeling. We can be at a restaurant like last night or helping children in India like on Christmas Day or snow-sledding in Dubai like on New Years or doing absolutely nothing. It doesn’t matter where we are. When I’m with my wife and kids, I’m at home…I’m at rest. And even more so, when I’m aware of the presence of the Divine, I’m at home…I’m at rest.
That’s why the tattoo on my arm of the Father welcoming his wayward son back “home” means so much. (Notice the India kids in the photo who are enamored by my arm.) I know what it’s like to leave home. I know what it’s like to be all alone in an apartment with all the freedom I ever wanted. I know what it’s like to lay face down in the mud of the pig slop. It’s lonely. It’s depressing. It’s ravaging. It’s bankrupt.
Sometimes our dreams don’t give us what we thought they would.
And, sometimes we have to leave home to find that out.
