10 Craziest Experiences on Lemming Street
Last week, I chronicled the 10 Greatest Memories on Lemming Street, but I intentionally left off the crazy ones that you’ll probably have a hard time believing. When we bought this house, never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate some of the things that have happened. See if any of this seems normal to you…
- Welcomed home by police on my first night in the house.
To get the house ready for Laura and the kids, I began working on (and living in) the house alongside a painter a week or so before we moved our furniture. After a long first day or work, I left for a few minutes to grab some dinner. As the sun set, I rounded the corner back onto Lemming Street, and five police cars were right in front of my house with their lights on. That was our first clue that things were going to be a little crazy.
. - Grieved the loss of my neighbor after he was gunned down around the corner.
Gang members shot and killed my 20 something neighbor as he road his bike home from the market. I held his father as he weeped in my arms in grief. Attending his viewing as the only white guy and his Spanish-language memorial service was quite an experience. (Three murders within a two block area over the last eight years.)
. - Watched a Russian neighbor do cartwheels in his bikini underwear in the middle of the street at 6am.
This so-called music producer was high as a kite and would soon land in jail.
. - Witnessed the same Russian neighbor steal an ambulance and run from police on television.
After getting out of jail, I guess he wasn’t quite done with his craziness, so he jumped into an ambulance for a joyride. It’s never a good thing to see a neighbor in the middle of a high-speed chase. By the way, that was the last time I ever saw him.
. - Asked a visitor at my Russian neighbor’s house if he was in a gang.
I just cut to the chase and asked him if he was “bangin’” with anyone. Let’s just say he fit the prototype. Instead, he was a rapper with a couple of albums by a legit record company. I can’t remember his name at the moment…I didn’t pick up one of his CDs.
. - Cleaned out a HUGE dumpster full of trash from a neighbor’s driveway and garage.
A couple of summers ago, we rallied some friends to help a neighbor clean out her yard. We rented one of those ginormous trash units and filled it front to back. Before we even got started hauling stuff off, I helped her arrange to sell an SUV and a non-running van in her driveway. So thankful for the friends who invested financially and physically – what a great experience!
. - Got an earful from my wife after she watched two pit bulls maul a cocker spaniel across the street.
When we first moved onto the street, there were quite a few dogs that ran loose all the time…Pit Bulls, Cocker Spaniels, and Chihuahuas. It was crazy, and we rarely let our kids out in the front yard prior to putting up a fence. Laura shooed the kids away from the window and watched as a neighbor kicked the dogs away from the bleeding victim. Needless to say…Laura was a little shaken up.
. - Regularly turned down offers by salesmen who offer cheese, meat, corn, fruits & vegetables, cotton candy, and even pillows.
You would not believe the crazy stuff that people sell door-to-door in our neighborhood…including a cooler full of cheese where they’ll slice off as much as you want. How about pillows? Seriously! Who is gonna buy a bed pillow from a guy who comes to their door? (This doesn’t even include the 3-4 ice cream trucks that blare their music down the street every day.)
. - Staring at 12-foot-high sugar cane that grows in the yard across the street.
It grows on both sides of their driveway, and it has to be twice my height. Every week or so, I’ll see him cut a bunch down, chop it up in 3 foot lengths, and give it away to friends. They gnaw on it and squeeze it into juice (I believe). Did I also mention that they have a loud parrot, bunnies, and a full-size turkey at one point!
. - Laughed so hard I cried after hearing that my wife helped a naked neighbor out of the bathtub.
Our neighbor has back issues and asked for Laura’s number if he ever fell. One day…he called. She responded and heard the shower running. She turned it off, wrapped a towel around him, and helped him into bed. Oh…yes…she…did. My first question, “Did you peek?”
We have had the most crazy experience in this house over the past eight years. Frankly, the street is way more mellow now than ever before. No hoodlums…only roaming Chihuahuas and food salesmen. Let’s just hope that the buyers of our home don’t find my blog.
