Hold the Beer…Pass the New Wine

After 10 years of being in full-time vocational ministry as a pastor, I “retired” in March of 2008…so to speak. I knew that I was burned out on “doing” church, but my faith in God and love for the larger community of faith were still intact. I continued to go to church…bouncing around here and there in the midst of all the painful transitions. From Mosaic LA to Soul Survivor to Parkcrest and finally ROCKharbor. Every one of these churches were (and are) wonderful communities of faith that are reaching their communities in unique ways.

But, my family and I just didn’t connect.

When I was a pastor, I would have thought that a family in our situation just didn’t try hard enough. I would have assumed…we didn’t truly want to connect. We weren’t dedicated enough or passionate enough…or just not ready. I would have assumed that other things were taking priority…sports, relaxation, entertainment, or whatever else was a priority rather than church.

Although that may be true for some families, it wasn’t (and isn’t) for us.

Frankly, we just weren’t interested in the “large” worship services that we had grown so accustomed to in the past. There are beautiful things about gathering with 100, 500, or 10,000 others who are worshiping and growing in the same room. Notice I said…”in the same room” and not “together.” For years, I led the charges to create high-energy, highly-produced worship services that were theme-based and designed to attract people to Jesus…in the same room. Very few people were actually following Jesus “together.”

Much of it was “bait and switch.” Come to a fun experience and rock out together in somewhat of an anonymous atmosphere. Then, we’ll eventually let you know that we want you to join a “small group” to develop intimate relationships (which often just turn into a smaller group of people who meet once a week), serve on a ministry team, and give financially so we can pay for this meeting space, our offices, and staff salaries. And, by the way, Jesus wants you to give him your entire life…and maybe even go to India.

Sorry we couldn’t squeeze all that on the fancy flyer we handed you with that cold bottled water in front of the supermarket.

My drivenness to create amazing experiences for others killed me…and I sucked the life out of a few staff members in the process. Although we may be able to stomach it in the future, it just wasn’t something we were interested in any more. It’s making a positive impact for many, but…

We wanted something different.
We wanted to walk with a few.
We wanted to develop a community rather than a weekly event.

So…after much discussion and prayer, we invited a few friends to gather at our home in May of 2009 with the vision of becoming more than a once a week gathering. We’ve been growing, connecting, and worshiping together for the past few months. Yet, I have sensed a desire within me to experience even more with these awesome people.

In reality, we started out as a recovery group…recovering from affairs, sexual challenges, hurting marriages, job losses, and painful family situations. Every person that seemed to find their way into our community was hurting in a significant way. Soon enough, they knew that they were in a safe place to just be themselves.

After not gathering on Sunday for the last 3 weeks, it was great to have a community discussion about what 2010 holds for us…and the Nudge that I sense within me. I think there’s something new bubbling up…something that God may want to do with this fledgling group of broken people who are gracefully following Jesus as He says “Follow me.” It’s messy, unplanned, and beautiful.

I have a sense that it means we’ll be less inward-focused on recovering and more outward-focused. I’m not sure what that looks like, but I sure am having a great time on the journey. I’m not worried about trying to be the charismatic leader with a grand vision. I can just enjoy being me. Hold the beer, and pass the New Wine.

Do you want something different?