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Archive for the ‘Lost and Found’ Category

“Lost + Found” – chapter 1 excerpt

Last month, Lost & Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair was released in paperback and Kindle, and the response has been incredible. Each day, the correspondence with readers has overwhelmed me. I’m amazed how our story is being used to inspire and challenge others – some who have never been married and others who are struggling through an affair themselves. Reviews like this one make me so glad that I wrote this challenging book.

If you haven’t picked up a copy, here’s an excerpt from Chapter 1 to get you started…

As the chair slowly reclined, my heart began to race like that of a lamb led to slaughter. I gripped the padded arms of the chair and stared intently at the photos of his children as they gazed back at me from the wall. The muscles in my legs began to tighten, and I could feel perspiration forming on my forehead. I was straining to get out of there, but we hadn’t even gotten started yet.

I was in the chair of my orthodontist.

Normally, my experience at his office was quite pleasant. Unlike the first time I had braces as a prepubescent pre-teen, I actually enjoyed the process. The two ladies at the front counter were more than happy to make my appointments, and his assistants who did most of the work on me were gentle and always interested in what I was up to. On top of that, he was comping all the work, because I was…his pastor.

Humbling for sure.

When someone gives me a gift because of my role in their life, it is both encouraging and awkward at the same time. In this case, it had become painful.

As his 6’ 4” frame hovered over me, his greeting was followed by two large hands heading straight for my mouth. My fear was that he would use his repertoire of ortho tools to slowly dismantle my teeth one by one or tighten my braces to the point that everything simply collapsed into my throat. My mind was running wild with fear…that he was on to us.

“Does he know?
Is he blind?
How can he not know?”

Thank God he didn’t talk that much. Adjustments were made, small talk was exchanged, and I was almost out of there. Hopefully, my anxiety and accompanying sweaty pits were not showing. All I had to do was check in at the front desk and get out the door.

As I was making my obligatory next appointment (which would be rendered meaningless within days), I noticed that he was lingering aimlessly in the lobby. Checking his Blackberry over and over nervously, he just stood there, and I was getting freaked out.

“Shit! He’s waiting for me,” I screamed in my head.

As I turned to walk out the front door, I felt his presence coming close from behind. I was preparing for the worst, but I wasn’t quite sure what to do. As he called my name, my fists clinched, and I was ready.

“If he takes a swing, dodge it, and take your best shot,” I kept telling myself.

“David, I just wanted to let you know…” he held back with a pregnant pause.

“Yeah?” I responded nonchalantly.

“I just want to let you know that I’m happy for you that you’re taking a sabbatical,” he said graciously. “I’ll be praying for you for sure.”

“Um…thanks Ken…I…appreciate that,” I stumbled through my words.

My fists unclenched, but my butt cheeks didn’t. As he headed back in, I bolted for my car with cell phone in hand. I double-clicked the call button and re-dialed her number.

“Hello?” she answered after the first ring.

“Hey,” I exhaled.

“Are you okay? Did he say anything?” she nervously asked.

“Hell, yes! Of course he said something! He said he is praying for me…what the heck?!?”

She burst into laughter at the shock of his words and his cluelessness of what was impending.

“He didn’t ask you any questions? Or pry about anything?” she asked.

“Thank God no. I’m so glad that’s over,” I said. “He has no clue what’s coming…are you ready to tell him?”

A month prior, I would have never imagined that I’d fall in love with my orthodontist’s wife…
…who was also my wife’s best friend.

It all started in the months leading up to a two-week mission trip to southern India. Although I experienced the beauty and brokenness of India on multiple occasions, this trip was being led by one of our staff pastors and three leaders who had joined me on each previous trip. Their leadership freed me up to relax a bit and play more of a pastoral role within our team of 17 men and women. We had so many wonderful things planned including a children’s vacation bible school, water well dedications, food distribution, and much more.

As the trip started to draw near, I found myself becoming more and more weary from 10 years of full-time ministry…5 of which had been spent starting a new church in the communities surrounding Long Beach, a multi-ethnic city in southern California. What was glamorous in the beginning had become a brutal grind with over 70 hours invested weekly in much of what Jesus probably never envisioned.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw her…Samantha that is.
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PURCHASE Lost & Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair today.

A Conversation with David & Laura – The Heart Behind the Book

VIDEO TRAILER: “Lost + Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair” – by David Trotter

I Wrote “Lost + Found” For You.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE “Lost + Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair” at Amazon.com.

On April 17, 2008, my life was destroyed…or so I thought. She left me. The woman I had been willing to ‘walk through the fire’ with went back to her husband and left me all alone.

Three friends took me to a hotel in Costa Mesa to get away from the apartment that had become nothing more than an empty tomb. It was the apartment that the ‘other woman’ and I leased, furnished, and shared for 40 days of ‘heaven and hell’ after I left my wife and resigned from my role as Lead Pastor of Revolution Church.

As I laid in a hotel bed that Thursday night, I announced to my friends, “This is going to make an incredible story. I’m going to write all about this craziness one day.” I had no clue how my story was going to unfold, but I had a sense that it would be a powerful account of how our decisions can have unexpected consequences.

Letting it Flow
In December of 2008, I outlined the entire book on the plane ride back from India, but it just sat there as a three page Word doc within the protected confines of my laptop. I wasn’t ready to write about it. It was too painful. It brought tears to my eyes just to think about it. As the months passed by and my life took on a new normal, I gained courage to share my story…until one day…I started writing.

With each sentence that formed, I experienced healing within my own heart and life. By authentically sharing my hopes and dreams combined with my rock bottom experience, I was liberated from much of the guilt, disappointment, anger, and resentment that I felt in my own life. To share my story of depravity and redemption in such a raw form was healing in and of itself.

I would spend focused time allowing the story to flow out of me…oftentimes closing my eyes as I typed and recounted my experiences. Thankfully, I had the coaching and assistance of Stacey Robbins to walk with me through the process as I wrote. She was incredibly helpful in asking me tough questions and guiding the story as it unfolded.

I Wrote “Lost + Found” For You
Although I gained so much from the writing process, ultimately…I wrote “Lost + Found” for you if you are…

  1. Stuck in a life (or marriage) you don’t want.
    My story will help you see that your ‘stuckness’ is merely a figment of your imagination. Freedom is available for you in your present circumstances.
  2. Thinking about having an affair.
    My story will open your eyes to the life implosion that awaits you. If it’s possible, learn from my experiences rather than having your own.
  3. Trying to recover from an affair.
    My story will give you hope that reconciliation is possible. Yes, he or she cheated. Yes, it’s brutal and devastating. Yet, it’s not the end. Healing and restoration are possible.
  4. Divorced because of an affair.
    My story can give you an ‘insider’ view on how affairs often unfold. Just maybe…you’ll have compassion for your ex. Just maybe…your relationship could still be restored.
  5. Shocked by how someone could cheat on their spouse.
    My story will open your eyes to how it can happen to any of us…including you. Don’t think that it’s not possible in your situation. It is.
  6. Rubbernecking at the pain of others.
    My story will give you more pain to look at…and hopefully inspire you to quit rubbernecking and actually reach out to support someone. People need you to quit looking and start compassionately walking with them.
  7. A pastor who loves your church more than your wife.
    My story will be a mirror to the mistress that you’ve dedicated your life to. Perhaps, you’ll find a way to turn back to your first Love and quit cheating on your spouse.
  8. A leader who has the power to influence others.
    My story will motivate you to use your influence to help the people you lead. Whether you run a business, operate a non-profit, or lead a church, there are individuals around you who are struggling through life. They’re having affairs, and their relationships are a wreck. You can do something about it.

I wrote “Lost + Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair” just for you.

About David

I'm a strategic marketing consultant, entrepreneur, photographer, writer, and creative communicator. I love spending time with my family including my wife of 17 years (Laura) and two amazing kids (Waverly and Emerson).

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12340 Seal Beach Blvd.
Seal Beach, CA 92340
Phone: 949.335.2925
Website: www.davidtroter.tv
Email: david(at)davidtrotter.tv