Archive for the ‘Life Learning’ Category

I love momentum. In my previous life, it was often called “The Big Mo.” Oftentimes an organization, community, or project can feel like a giant boulder that you’re trying to move from one place to another. The challenge is often found in the “how.”

If you want to make a significant impact in a community…
If you want to become well-known in your industry…
If you want to increase sales…
You need to gain momentum!

I used to think that if I had momentum, I had everything. Now…I’m questioning that. Or, maybe I’m just questioning how that momentum is developed.

My previous methods of developing momentum consisted of rallying as many people as possible to join in the vision of whatever it was that I was trying to accomplish. In essence, people were “invited” to bring their time, talent, and treasure to the table. Gaining momentum consisted of…

1. Developing a grand vision.
2. Packaging the vision in a way that was attractive and understandable.
3. Communicating the vision with passion.
4. Helping people find a specific way to be part of the vision.
5. Driving the vision as fast and hard as possible to gain momentum.

Momentum was measured by the number of people involved and the amount of money that was generated to sustain the momentum. Unfortunately, the side effects included…

• Shallow relationships.
• People feeling used.
• Frustration with people’s lack of commitment.
• Impatience with the amount of numerical or financial growth.

As I lead 8TRACKstudios and New Wine Community, I’m trying to be more focused on being “in the moment” than developing “momentum.”

When 8TRACKstudios clients don’t exactly have the same timeline as I do, what’s my response? Frustration over projects taking months complete or a desire to be with them where they are in the moment. If I were trying to gain momentum in the business, I’d be pushing them to crank through projects so that we could move on to the next thing. Instead, I’m doing my best to serve them by helping them take one step at a time…when they’re ready. Our clients seem to enjoy the patience and willingness to walk with them through the process.

With New Wine Community, we’re finding that people come in and out of the community…and it’s rather difficult to get everyone to attend most weeks. Therefore, there is little if any momentum. If we were trying to gain momentum in our spiritual gathering on Sundays, we’d be pushing people to attend weekly, invite friends, serve, and be more committed. Although that may work in a different season, we’re choosing to be more “in the moment” and “hospitable” than anything else. Join us on Sundays when you can…when you’re here…we’ll learn and meditate together. If you can come to dinner on a Friday or Saturday, that’s great too. (Much more oozey than momentumy.) People’s lives are transforming, and we’re growing together slowly.

In every aspect of my life, I love momentum, but I don’t like the cost that it has required in the past. Maybe being “in the moment” will turn into momentum some day. Meanwhile, I’m just enjoying the ride and the new definition of success that seems to be emerging.

My kids know how to hold me to my word. They know that if I tell them that something is going to happen, I am committed to following through on my commitment to them. They are keenly aware that my word truly means something. Even if I don’t use the word “promise,” they love to call it that.

“Daddy, are we going to wrestle tonight?” Waverly asks with a tilt of the head and the saddest of eyes.

“No, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I respond

“But, you prooooomised!” Emerson yells.

“Actually, I didn’t promise. I merely said that we might wrestle.”

“No you didn’t! You said ‘yes’ when we asked if we could wrestle on your guys’ bed tonight!”

It’s so fascinating how I can justify my lack of follow-through and weasel my way out of a situation simply because I didn’t “promise” them something. By definition, a promise is “a declaration that something will or will not be done or given.” In a real sense, if I commit to something, it is a promise whether I use the word or not.

Commitments Are Precious
Over the course of my life, my word has been important to me. There was something instilled in me at an early age that compelled me to follow-through on what I said I was going to do. Whether it has to do with friendship or business, if I say something will be done, you can count on it. If there are unforeseen circumstances (which there are from time to time), I’ll let you know, and we’ll negotiate something different. When I do blow it (and I have and will), open communication, a contrite heart, and immediate action seem to be of paramount importance.

In February of 2008 when I returned from a two week trip to India, I found myself in a place where my word wasn’t lining up with what was going on inside of me. In essence, I had broken promises…to my wife, to myself, to friends, and to God. I was in such a fragmented place that I wanted to express my heartache. Over the course of an hour, I wrote a song called Broken Promises.

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Broken Promises
Broken promises
So many in my life
Between me, myself, and I
I’ve got broken, broken promises
Like brittle records, icicles, and windshield in a crash
Broke into little pieces
I’ve got broken, broken promises

You know the feeling
When you meant it inside
Something changed within you
Rearranged you, contained you, and blamed you
And you broke your promises

Once they’re on the ground
Can they really be found?
Little pieces all around you
That have bound you and hound you and confound you
All these broken promises

Trying to put them back together
On a wish and a prayer
Not sure if He hears me
Or steers me or even wants to heal me
Broken, broken promises

Looking for a way out
Something quick without a doubt
Doesn’t matter what it is
Right or wrong or weak or strong
Just something to fix all these broken promises

Why Do We Break Our Promises / Commitments?
When I wrote that song, I was in a place of fragmentation. When I originally made my commitments, I really did plan on keeping my word to my wife in our marriage, to God in the sacredness of my calling as a pastor, and to my community in the integrity of my word. Unfortunately, along the way…something eroded. My commitment to each person began to fade as I began to experience an emptiness that I was desperate to get rid of.

As you know…I’m not the only one.

My guess is that you’ve made promises or commitments that you’ve chosen not to keep. Unless you’re a conniving con artist or compulsive liar, you most likely planned to keep your word when the words originally flowed from your lips (or through an email or written contract). But…something changed. Something always changes in order to cause us to break our commitments.

• Something better comes up.
  When I was a kid, I’d be invited over to a friend’s house and respond with a “yes” (a commitment). Then, a different friend would call who happened to have a nicer swing set and toys…a dilemma. Do I keep my word with the first friend? Or, do I bale because something better came up? It happens in our lives regularly, we make a commitment, and a more attractive opportunity comes our way…whether it’s a high-paying job, a more interesting spouse, or friends that are more exciting to be with.
  .
• We’re hurt, angry, or disappointed.
  Perhaps we made a commitment to a friend or client, but they end up doing something that is disappointing to us. We may feel the freedom to now take out our aggression on them. We may take the liberty of retaliating by withdrawing our own commitment.
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• Someone else breaks their commitment.
  Oftentimes, we commit to something with another person, and they will break their end of the deal. They cheat on us. They don’t pay us money that is owed. They don’t follow through on an important project. They spread ugly lies behind our back. Does this give us license to now sever our commitment?

All of these reasons seem to be easily justified in our minds when we’re in the midst of internal fragmentation…when our word doesn’t match what’s going on inside of us.

What Do We Do When Someone Breaks a Commitment?
Retaliation comes to many of our minds first and foremost. We began to creatively envision every possible way to back out of our commitment to them and create discomfort, inconvenience, and struggle…all within the boundaries of the law of course. And, none of it would do any good. Instead, we just think evil thoughts and speak negatively about them every chance we get. We tell and re-tell the story to somehow spread the message about their lack of integrity. The results aren’t that pretty, and we end up allowing the resentment and bitterness to grow within us. Here’s another option…

1. Seek a peaceful resolution.
   Is there any possible way that they will fulfill their commitment? In a business situation, have you suggested a mediator? If it’s an issue in your marriage, have you worked with a marriage counselor? If it’s a friendship, have you offered to sit down with a third party to work things out? Is it possible to work together for a win-win situation.
   .
2. If they are unwilling to fulfill their commitment, determine the costs.
   Is it worth taking them to court over? Is it worth losing the friendship? Is it worth walking away from the marriage? What are the costs involved? In some cases, it’s better to simply walk away graciously…knowing that you’ve been wronged. In other cases, it truly is worth holding them accountable in a court of law.
   .
3. Extend compassion (and ultimately forgiveness) recognizing your own broken promises.
   The truth is that all of us have broken promises and commitments. I’ve broken some really big ones. In the same way that I deeply appreciate grace and mercy, it would be profoundly courageous of me to extend forgiveness toward someone who has not kept their word with me. By admitting our own lack of commitment, we can find compassion and ultimately forgiveness toward the other person.
   .
4. Speak words of admiration and appreciation.
   What are the positive things that you can say about the person? Start by rehearsing those traits in your mind…and then be willing to share them with others as the opportunity arises. Spreading the story of the person’s lack of commitment and broken promises will end up hurting you more than the other person. Spread the truth of their positive qualities and allow the negative to find. If people are tuned in to your life and situation, they’ll already know about the negative…no need to keep bringing it up.
   .
5. Be available for reconciliation.
   If and when the person is ready to work through issues, be available. Closing the door to your heart will only leave a void that you’ll carry around for the rest of your life. Work diligently to keep the door open.
   .
6. Remain alert for similar situations.
   If the person has an ongoing presence in your life, remain alert for potential situations when they possibly won’t fulfill their commitment again. The alertness is not an assumption that they’ll break another promise, but it is a boundary that prevents you from blindly trusting. It’s a choice to keep your eyes wide open to see signs of possible fragmentation.

Having broken promises to many people a couple of years ago, my word means more now than ever before. There will still be times when I don’t follow through on something…but my heart is set on being a loving husband, dedicated Dad, committed friend, and passionate businessman.

There is so much noise in my world…not just audible noise…but visual.

• TV shows, movies, and websites.
• Magazines, books, and newspapers.
• Photographs and videos.
• Toys, school work, and discarded clothes.
• Paperwork, proposals, bills, and junk mail.
• Billboards, TV ads, banner ads, magazine ads, bus shelter ads, and ads all over t-shirts.

We’re barraged by hundreds, if not thousands, of marketing messages on a daily basis. On top of that, we’re immersed in a visual culture where constant stimulation is the norm. All of that eye candy has a way of occupying our brains and preventing us from “seeing” things that may be even more important.

What if you closed your eyes for a few minutes?

What if you allowed all the visuals to fade away? What if you gave your mind’s eye a chance to explore the recesses of your brain? You’d be surprised what comes up…

• The faces of people that you need to reconcile with.
• The opportunities you’ve overlooked to help other people
• The image of yourself living courageously.
• The next step for your life that’s seemed hazy and starts to clear up.

Have you tried it?
Have you tried closing your eyes?
Go ahead and close them…and look around.
I bet you’ll see something that you’ve been searching for.

Two years ago today, I left my life behind. I was sick and tired of my marriage and ministry. I was completely burned out on overworking and chasing success in the name of ministry, and I was disconnected from my family. I felt all alone, and I wanted a partner in life.

Instead of climbing my way out of the long, 15-year rut that I found myself in, I chose to implode my life. I didn’t want to do the hard work of investing in a great marriage. I wanted to start over with someone else. After following the “rules” by doing what was right, strategic, and practical most of my entire life, I didn’t care what anyone else thought.

I chose freedom.
I chose intimacy.
I chose passion.

Within 40 days, this new path led to destruction. I found myself more alone than ever…wanting to end my life. I checked myself into a hospital for three days, and I battled suicide for another two weeks after I got out. That is…until I apologized to my wife on May 3rd. From that day forward, I’ve never wanted to kill myself. Instead, I set the trajectory of my heart toward the woman I originally covenanted to be with, and I’ve been working on an intimate partnership with her. After 6 months out of my family’s home, I moved back in August.

Ironically, my therapist pointed out that he fully supported what I did. I was searching for freedom, intimacy, passion, and an enjoyable life. What he couldn’t support was HOW I went about trying to get it. Although my life hit rock bottom, I ultimately ended up finding what I really wanted.

Since that day two years ago…

• I’ve taken significant steps in allowing Transformation in my life through therapy, a brain scan, and medication.
• I’ve received incredible amounts of grace and forgiveness from my wife, kids, family, and friends.
• I’ve reoriented my life around my wife and family instead of work and success.
• I’ve deconstructed my faith to be more centered on Jesus and less on building a large church that is focused on a fancy Sunday event.
• I’ve re-focused my gifts on helping corporations develop effective marketing.
• I’ve enjoyed reconnecting with my passion for photography.
• I’ve started sharing my passion for a rich, meaningful life through my writing and video podcasts.
• I’ve written the journey of my destruction and redemption in a memoir that will be published this year.
• I’ve outlined a book on making a comeback that I plan to write this year, and Laura and I are set to write another book on recovering from an affair.
• I’ve started developing great friendships with several guys that I truly love and care about.
• Laura and I have started a faith community with a few others, and we’re thoroughly enjoying it.
• Laura and I helped start a children’s home in southern India for 30 orphans.
• I’ve quit striving toward success or building something; instead, I’ve just been “enjoying” every day and letting God unfold what’s next.
• I’ve embraced my strengths and weaknesses, and I worry less and less about what others think of me.
• I’ve grieved the loss of the church that I birthed, loved, and gave everything for.
• I’ve mourned the disconnection, brokenness, and loss of so many relationships.
• I’m trusting God to provide all that we’ll need in this new season of life.

I deeply appreciate those who have supported me on this journey, and I have compassion for those who haven’t been able to (and many who still can’t). I’m thankful that God is gracious and merciful, because I continue to need it each and every day. If I could take away the pain that I’ve cause people, I’d do it in a heartbeat…but I can’t. All I can do is make amends daily by following Jesus, loving my family, and serving others with the gifts I’ve been given.

Trust me when I tell you…it may seem harder to STAY and work through the issues than to simply LEAVE and just start over. It isn’t worth it. If you’re thinking about leaving your life and you need someone to talk to, we’re here for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

This morning, I was dreading the next big project on my plate. I’ve spent the last few days clearing away everything except a looming proposal that I’ve been dragging my feet on. It’s an incredible opportunity to work with a great company, but the intricacy of the details combined with a complicated pricing structure has prevented me from wanting to complete it.

As I was on my way to drop the kids off at school, I tweeted, “Gotta work through a HUGE project proposal today…stay focused!”

Immediately after the update successfully posted from my phone, I felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders. “I gotta work on this.” Not exactly proper grammar, but you get the point. This procrastinated “requirement” was weighing me down so much that I didn’t even want to get started. With the heaviness pulling down my mood, I started to rethink what I was telling myself.

Here’s the story I was believing…

• This proposal is going to take forever.
• It’s going to be painful.
• I’m not going to know how to price this out.
• This is going to be more work than it’s worth.

Craziness – sheer and utter craziness.I recognized the Voice of Nonsense quite well. I hear it often. So, I re-framed the entire situation in a matter of moment.

I don’t “got to” do this proposal…I “get to” work on this project!

It is a complete privilege to be asked by this company to put together an extensive proposal with the assumption that they are going to use 8TRACKstudios to complete the work. In fact, it is project that will ultimately impact thousands of lives.

I started telling myself a new story…

• I can put this proposal together TODAY.
• It’s more painful procrastinating than it is to actually do it.
• I’ll be able to figure out a fair price based on the work that will be needed.
• I am helping to change the world by working on this project.

Guess what? I came right home, and I got to work. I pulled out my notes on the project, and I started to make phone calls. I sourced the creative elements, and I got contractors lined up. I didn’t finish the proposal today, but it’s 75% done, and it wasn’t painful at all. In fact, I’m more energized about the project than ever.

What if you started telling yourself a “get to” story?

As I sit here watching The Biggest Loser, I’m realizing that it can actually be a good thing to be a “loser.” Ironically, I’ve always wanted to be a winner. Whether it was finishing a test first in class or becoming a Little League all-star, I always tried to be at the front of the pack. Frankly, I’ve never really been at the very front…I usually landed somewhere one or two people back from the front. This always kept me striving to be better and better…whatever I was part of.

These days, I’ve been losing more things than anything else.

• I’ve lost all the stress from leading a traditional church.
• I’ve lost the need to please so many people.
• I’ve lost a need for the adrenaline of success.
• I’ve lost friendships that turned out to be relationships of convenience.
• I’ve lost a workaholism that was killing my family.
• I’ve lost a sedentary lifestyle.
• I’ve lost a spirituality that centered around church activities.
• I’ve lost a roommate and gained an intimate partnership with my wife.

I’m a BIG LOSER! Of course, I’ve replaced many of these losses with things that are more healthy and genuine.

How about you? What do you need to lose? What would it take to lose it?

As we journey through this life, it is easy to experience the bumps and bruises that come along with all relationships. Some of us have been wounded by our parents. We were made fun of by classmates and friends as we grew up. Maybe you were betrayed by a girlfriend or boyfriend. Perhaps a friend turned their back on you. The reality is that all of us have felt the pain of disconnected or broken relationships at some point or another.

Although it may be tempting to compare the painful experiences one person has encountered versus another, each person’s heartache is unique and not exactly like another. Each one of us carries the scars of hurtful words and difficult interactions. Some of these experiences were the result of intentional infliction, but more often than not, they come from misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and an inability to communicate freely.

The Need for Forgiveness
Over the past two years, I’ve had the opportunity to ask for forgiveness and extend it on numerous occasions. I disappointed many people through my actions, and I hurt my family tremendously. In the process, many people seemingly couldn’t handle my choices or my return to my family. There has been an unbelievable need for forgiveness any way you look at it.

My guess is that you need forgiveness as much as I do. Maybe you didn’t implode your life like I did, but you probably have done lots of other stuff…whether people know about it or not. And, you’ve probably had plenty of painful experiences with other people…just like I have. The bottom line is that WE ALL NEED FORGIVENESS.

What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of releasing resentment, indignation, or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference, or mistake…ultimately ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

If you are not a person of faith, the best reason to forgive others is the fact that resentment and bitterness slowly kills you. They take a heavy toll on your psychological, relational, and physical well-being.

If you are a follower of Jesus, the apostle Paul calls us to forgive for one particular reason…

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” [Colossians 3:12-14 - NIV]

Because Jesus forgave you, you are called to forgive others. Because of my need for grace and forgiveness, how can I justifiably hold back forgiveness? In fact, I probably do the same thing they’ve done to me. If they’ve gossiped about me, the truth is that I gossip about others, too. If they’ve betrayed my trust, the truth is that I have betrayed the trust of others in the past as well.

Are you getting the point?
The question really is, “How do I go about forgiving someone who has annoyed or hurt me?”

• Admit that you are hurt, disappointed, or angry.
  The first step toward forgiving someone is to admit that there is a problem. You must come to grips with the fact that your expectations of them have gone unmet in some way. What were your expectations? How would you have liked to have been treated? Think about it – don’t tell them – just think about it for yourself.
  .
• Recall a time when you needed forgiveness.
  When have you done something similar in your past. It won’t be exactly the same or to the same person, but it will be similar. Would you like to be forgiven by God and by others for that behavior? My guess is that you would like to experience grace. Here’s the truth – God has forgiven you. All you have to do is receive it. And, this may be a good opportunity to forgive yourself.
  .
• Express your forgiveness toward the person you’re disconnected from.
  “I forgive __________ for…” It may not be appropriate to articulate your forgiveness to the other person if they don’t know that they’ve even hurt you. But, if there has been obvious trauma to the relationship, there’s nothing more powerful than apologizing for your part and extending forgiveness as well. The soul feels refreshed and renewed.
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• Trust that the feelings of forgiveness will follow.
  If you wait to forgive someone until you “feel” like it, you could be waiting for quite some time. You may want to exercise your forgiveness muscle by choosing not to hold the other person responsible any longer and trust that the feelings will follow in the future.
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• Process how the disconnection and brokenness occurred in the first place.
  Oftentimes, a relational disconnection can be a simple misunderstanding or lack of communication. Talk about it! Seek to understand! Ask the other person, “What did I do that hurt you?” Be honest and courageous enough to share how you felt through the interactions, but discipline yourself to refrain from accusing or attacking the other person. “I statements” where you share from your perspective are best.

Sometimes, forgiveness requires us to “choose” to forgive multiple times before the feelings of pain start to diminish. Depending on the depth of the wound, the forgiveness process may take weeks, months, and even years.

As I think about those who have hurt me over the past two years, I’m reminded…

• I have gossiped and slandered others.
• I have written harsh emails and blog posts.
• I have not reached out when my friends were hurting and down.
• I have turned my back on others who have sinned in a public way.
• I have expressed my pain in ways that were hurtful toward others.

I want to be forgiven for these things. Thank you God for forgiving me, and I want to forgive myself. I guess if I need forgiveness and grace, I want to extend the same thing to those who have hurt me.

Do you need to forgive someone?
If so, what would your first step be today?

Every night around the dinner table, our family takes time to share a “high” (something good) and a “low” (something not so good). Usually the “low” centers around some sort of disappointment within the day. It seems like my kids experience disappointment 200 times within a 24 hour period – from having a friend choose not to play with them at recess to not getting the flavor of ice cream they want after dinner. Oftentimes, the disappointment seems out of proportion to the situation at hand, but that’s usually because I’m not the one dying to have mint chip ice cream.

Have you had any disappointments recently?

Have you worked hard for a promotion only to be passed over by someone who seems to lack your level of experience? Have you given your heart to someone only to have them disregard your feelings? Have you believed in someone only to watch them perform or act in a way that doesn’t meet up to your hopes for them?

It’s a sinking feeling, isn’t it? The moment you realize that a situation or relationship or even your life isn’t turning out the way you had hoped…it’s disheartening.

By definition, disappointment is the feeling of sadness or displeasure that comes with unmet expectations.

The only way to avoid disappointment is to not have expectations or hopes or dreams. If we somehow could seal off our emotions from the ups and downs of everyday life, then I guess disappointment wouldn’t exist. First of all, that’s not even possible, and secondly, I’m not sure anyone would actually choose that. The question is…how can we deal with disappointment in a healthy way?

• First of all, recognize and embrace that you are disappointed.
  There are times when we just jump to feelings of anger, because things haven’t turned out the way we expected. Below that anger is a feeling of sadness, hurt, and anger. The first step is to actually say, “I am disappointed.” Being willing to say it starts to free up our hearts and moves us away from resentment and bitterness.
  .
• Be honest about your expectations.
  There is a reason why you are disappointed, and it’s because your expectations weren’t met. Perhaps it would be helpful to say, “I was expecting _______________, but it didn’t happen. I would have rather experienced _________________.” Oftentimes, we aren’t even conscience of our own expectations upon life or those who are in our lives. By bringing our expectations to the forefront of our minds, we’re admitting that things went differently than we were expecting.
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• Find compassion in the midst of disappointment.
  If there is a person or group who has disappointed you, there is an opportunity for you to develop compassion for them. Perhaps, they have behaved in ways that even they would like to change. Maybe, they are going through something in life that is difficult or troublesome for them. Or possibly, they’ve experienced some challenges in their life that are preventing them from responding in ways that are loving or life-giving. At the same time, it’s always helpful to look within and discover ways in which we have disappointed others in the past. In the same way that you want to be forgiven when you disappoint others, you now have the opportunity to extend grace to someone in your own life.
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• Re-evaluate your expectations.
  Since you experienced disappointment, were your expectations unreasonable? Do you need to re-orient them about life or a particular person? Or maybe your expectations are completely reasonable but this person isn’t able to meet them? That’s an opportunity to re-evaluate your level of relationship with them. If you want to keep those expectations in your relationships (or life as a whole), maybe it’s just unrealistic to have that expectation on that particular person. Maybe they can’t handle what you’re putting on them, and you’ll need to shift how you see the relationship.
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• Celebrate the good stuff.
  Last week, I talked about celebrating the good stuff, and that’s what we need to do when we’ve experienced disappointment. We grieve the loss, recognize our expectations, extend grace, and celebrate the great things about the relationship and about life in general. It doesn’t mean that you avoid dealing with the pain of the moment, but you’re also focusing your heart on the great things that have been brought into your life.

What do you think? How do you deal with disappointment?

When I was a kid growing up in Kentucky, I hated wearing a coat. Coats were un-cool…and so were gloves and toboggans (what we called beanies in the South). They were bulky and messed up my outfit and my hair.

I remember heading out to school morning after morning (even when it was snowing), and I resisted my Mom’s efforts to put a coat on me. I’d rather be freezing cold than un-cool. Ironically, my daughter has inherited the same aversion to warmth.

And…it’s just plain ridiculous!

Fast forward to 7am on February 12th, 2010.
I pulled into the parking garage at John’s loft in downtown Long Beach wearing the heaviest coat I could find in my closet.

“What is that?” John asked.

“It’s the only coat I have…do you think it’ll be enough for New York?”

“Umm…have you checked the weather? There’s a foot of snow there!” John’s laughter echoed through the underground garage.

He turned around and headed toward the elevator in search of a more substantial coat that would prevent me from “frost-biting” to death. Five minutes later, the doors parted and a red glow shined as bright as a red-hot fire shooting down the elevator shaft.

“Here ya go.” John tossed me a pile of bright red puffiness. “This coat was $400 in 1990.”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t wear this!”

“If you don’t wear it, you’re going to FREEZE!” John warned.

The truth is that I was having a flash back to 1988 when I avoided wearing an un-cool coat to the high school football game. But this time…the coat REALLY was un-cool.

To appease John, I slipped on the puffy, two-armed outerwear, and I turned to look in the reflection of my car windows. I looked like a bright-red Pillsbury dough boy in this early 90s relic…which included wing-like arms that expanded downward when I raised my arms upward. This coat was undoubtedly used by a Colorado search and rescue team two decades ago.

I really had no choice.
Be cool…or be warm. As a college-educated father of two, I wisely chose to be warm…and not die from frost-bite.

Hours later, I walked out of the JFK airport, and I was thanking John for the red coat. With snow on the ground and temperatures in the 20s, my light-weight, Gap coat would have been worthless.

Soon enough, we were walking into the Ace Hotel – one of the newest and hippest boutique hotels in New York City. The lobby was a huge bar with 50-100 people sipping cocktails 24/7. It should go without saying, but I was the only person wearing a red coat…especially a puffy one made in 1990. I guess black is the only color of choice in NYC.

Replay this same scenario as I walked down the streets in Times Square…heads turned.
As I walked onto the subway, even the homeless guy gawked at the bright redness.
Seated in the Broadway theater, the coat spilled over into the seats to my right and left.
Even the coat-check-lady at the Museum of Modern Art handed it back to me and said, “Sir…here’s your red coat.” (Did she really need to point out the color?)

Everywhere I went in New York, I was searching for anyone who may be wearing a red coat. Once in a great while, I found someone…and it was usually a grandma who was wearing a full-length red coat that was adorned with furry lapels.

I stood out like a sore thumb…but at least I was warm. Mid-way through our trip, I realized something. I wasn’t the one who was un-cool…everyone else was. Everyone else was wearing the same black coat that hug closely to their bodies and was purchased in the past two years. They were simply going along with the crowd and doing what was expected.

My red coat had HUGE benefits.
John never lost sight of me. People were well-aware when I walked into the room. And, our new friends who we met in NY saw us a block away when we met them at a Broadway show. ?

The bottom line is that I was remarkable…able to be remarked about.

Are you remarkable?
Do you stand out from the crowd?
Do people notice what you have to bring to this great life that we live?