Glancing backward
Can’t remember much
Other than wind in my hair
Performing in the clutch
Tough conversations
And momentary elations
Working harder than most
And proud enough to boast
Wish I could remember
Something other than dust
Like smiles and hugs
And embraces with thugs
With eyes wide open
Remembering today
Locking in the moments
Wondering what you’ll say
Yesterday at the gathering of New Wine Community, someone mentioned that they anticipate negative things in their life. They said that negative things seem to happen so they’ve just started to look out for it.
My immediate response was, “Well that’s interesting…I anticipate great things happening to me!”
In my life, what I anticipate is what I tend to experience. Not all the time…but most of the time this is true. If I anticipate someone being disconnecting with me, that’s what I’ll experience. If I anticipate stress and anxiety in a situation, that’s what I’ll get.
Yet, if I anticipate greatness (positivity, peace, breakthroughs, financial success), it tends to come my way.
There’s nothing scientific about it. I can’t prove it. All I know is that I’m more interested in putting up my antennas and tuning them in to positivity.
This week, here’s what I’m anticipating…
How about you? What are you anticipating?
30 days ago, I set out to be more “intentional” about some things in my life…particularly in the area of creativity. I felt like I was getting in a bit of a rut (i.e., working for work sake), and I didn’t want to settle in that lifestyle again. I set out to be intentional in numerous areas of my life, and I’m bummed that I didn’t pull off everything I set out to do. Ironically, I ended up “experiencing” more than I expected!
A Few Highlights:
Life is complicated, isn’t it? Well, at least mine can be. I love being intentional about each and every day…and the last 30 days were quite interesting.
On Monday and Tuesday, I worked two 12 hour days, and it reminded me that I used to work 12 hours (almost) every day.
I loved it.
I thrived on it.
I was addicted to it.
Laura would often call me and ask, “When are you coming home?”
My response, “I’m just not sure.”
For the past two days, I’ve been working with the 8TRACKstudios team to finish two PowerPoint (dreaded) presentations (that would look amazing on Keynote). I love working with this client, and I don’t mind projects with an extremely quick turnaround. I can turn it on, and I can lead the charge to knock it out.
But, it takes a toll.
Yesterday evening when we wrapped up around 8pm (after finishing one of the presentations and extending the deadline on the second one out two weeks), I could feel the buzz…not a good buzz…but a buzz that lacks peace. As I warmed up some dinner and puttered around the kitchen, I looked at Laura as if she was a distant stranger who had just walked in the room. With only two 12 hour days in a row, I could feel myself turning inward to deal with the stress and anxiety of the project. I didn’t want to connect her or anyone else. I just wanted to finish the project and satisfy the client.
I used to feel that way all the time.
Embrace the vision.
See the goal.
Power up.
Head down.
Push through.
Avoid anything that gets in the way.
Feel the buzz.
Mid-way through the project, I’d binge on food to soothe my anxiety. That’s what I was dying to do last night. Laura needed dental floss and bananas, so I drove to the store. As I walked through the bakery area, I about ripped open a plastic container and devoured a 12 pack of donuts. I resisted.
Instead, I came home and ate celery and organic peanut butter.
Today…I worked…and took it easy…and re-calibrated my heart. I never used to do that, and it took its toll. I’m fortunate enough to be able to structure my life with a great deal of flexibility, and I’m intentionally harnessing it to work hard AND enjoy life.
I used to work 12 hours every day (because I thrived on the high and accompanying accolades)…now I can work 12 hours (or more) just when I need to.
Two years ago, I wanted freedom from a stuck life, and now I have more freedom than ever before. Yet…I’ve found myself in a mild rut over the past month, and I’m intentionally taking action steps over the next 30 days to experience more freedom (coupled with responsibility).
After a great discussion with Laura on the way home from Sacramento this weekend, I was glad to hear that she was in full support of a 30 day plan. In some ways, I used to think “freedom” was the lack of plans, routine, or boundaries. In reality, that’s called suicide. (Ask me how I know.) Therefore, I’m envisioning the next 30 days as a self-directed curriculum that is centered around intentionality. I seek to live an intentional life, but the next 30 days will be even more focused on taking me out of my usual routine.
In order to maintain a creative intentionality, I’m choosing to avoid any browsing of Facebook or Twitter although I will continue to update you on the 30 days via Twitter on my phone as well as my blog.
Creative Focus
Creative Concentrations
.
Creative Re-creation
I’m interested to see how this “30 Days of Intention” experiment goes. I’ll be blogging every day to keep you up to date on how things are going.
My kids freak out regularly. This morning was no different.
Waverly has been working with three of her friends to prepare a dance to “Cotton Eye Joe” for the 5th grade talent show which will be held in a couple of weeks at the school carnival. I burned her a CD of the song, and they’ve been practicing at school and at a friend’s house. Well, today is the big audition to ensure that they can actually be part of the show. I can’t imagine them getting the boot, but there are some mean teachers at every school. Hopefully, I’ll hear some good news this afternoon.
Anyway…on the way out the door this morning (as we were running several minutes late), she announces in the most distraught voice, “I CAN’T FIND THE CD!!!”
Great…just great. The one day that she needs it more than any other, she can’t find it.
“I think I left it at school…yeah…it’s gotta be there,” she reassured herself.
Mid-way through our drive, she had convinced herself of the opposite, and she was falling apart.
“What if it’s not at school? What am I going to do? My friends are going to hate me!”
I wanted to respond with, “Yes, honey, they will…because you are irresponsible, and you can’t remember anything!!!”
Being the kind father that I am, I restrained. My response was what it always is…
“There’s always a solution.”
Whenever the kids freak out about something (which is often), that’s my pat answer. Not pat in the sense of worthless and insignificant…it’s just the thing I’ve gotten in the habit of saying. They roll their eyes, but those simple words seem to thrust us into a new possibility in the moment.
Before I utter the possibility, there seems to be nothing but doom and gloom in the forecast.
I’m sure you’ve thought something like that a time or two. I’ve come to believe that all that is simply rubbish.
There is always a solution. I’m not saying that the “solution” will be quick or easy…but it isn’t over. Life (or that situation) isn’t done.
No matter how bad something gets, I have come to believe in possibilities…the possibility that something good can come out of a horrible situation. Something beautiful can emerge from something broken. If I believe that it’s possible, all of a sudden possibilities start showing up. When I believe that something impossible, then it usually turns out to be just that.
It turns out that she couldn’t find the CD in her class, so I committed to burn another one and drop it off in time for the audition. When I walked up to her classroom this afternoon, my daughter’s smiling face emerged…”Um…I guess…well, I guess somehow the CD was in my backpack the entire time. I love you!”
I just smiled and handed her the second copy…”I love you, too.”
What do you believe is too far “gone” in your life?
You marriage? Your health? Your weight? Your career? Your enjoyment of life?
There’s always a solution.
Are you willing to look for it?
In the midst of transition, one of the most powerful questions to ask oneself is, “Who am I?”
Although I wish I could snap my fingers and find myself out of the transitional state that I’m (still) in, I seem to continue reflecting on what life is all about, how I’m supposed to invest my time, and who I am in the midst of it all. Coming to terms with my identity is allowing me to recognize aspects of who I am that I’d like to leave behind. And, I’m finding parts of me that I’d like to accentuate. Although it’s impossible to capture one’s identity completely, I’ve found that putting some components of who I am in words can be helpful. These “handles” as I call them allow me to easily recall who I am…and who I want to be.
Who are you?
Have you ever seen someone in public and ducked behind the nearest large object to avoid a moment of awkwardness?
An awkward encounter may involve…
You probably have a few people on this list…people you’d duck and run from…rather than dealing with the simple “hi” and “bye” of that tension-filled moment.
I used to have a short list of these people…a college buddy who I had a falling-out with, a pastor who fired me from a church, and a pastor who I bailed on when I was in college. That was about it. (Thankfully, I’ve reconciled with two out of the three in the last couple of years.)
Unfortunately, this list of “awkward people to encounter” grew rapidly when I imploded my life. There are literally hundreds of people that I haven’t seen in two years…and I ran into a few of them today.
I saw them coming toward me in the parking lot.
Should I duck and cover? Or, should I walk toward them and engage in conversation? Interestingly enough, I immediately walked toward them. They played an important role in my former life, and I deeply appreciate them…but there is great awkwardness with two years of disconnection. I waved and said hello…sticking my hand out to shake theirs…which is awkward in and of itself since I used to greet them warmly with a hug quite regularly. They had relatives with them, so it was not exactly the time to “catch up.”
Here are four ways I tend to deal with awkward encounters…
Well, I chose option “B” in this case. Although I’d enjoy re-connecting, it just felt way too awkward…and I definitely wasn’t going to jump into the issue on the spot since they had relatives with them.
Re-connecting can be tough, can’t it?
There are so many things to say.
And, there’s the possibility for more disappointment, tension, or conflict.
Maybe we’ll re-connect one day.
Maybe one of us will make the first move.
Today, I have a craving to create something…something with photos and paint and maybe even some thread. I have several canvases in my office that are calling my name, and I have 6 tubes of unopened paint sitting on top of my dresser. I have a giant photo that’s dying to be attached to a canvas and painted on and over and covered with other stuff.
I don’t exactly know what I want to create or how it will turn out, but I know that’s what I’m craving.
What are you craving?
I think my cravings tell me something about what’s going on inside me. I’m sure of it. I’m sure that there’s something inside me that needs to be let our or filled up or healed or something. My cravings whisper a message to me, but am I listening?
Sometimes what I crave won’t actually satisfy what I want.
Have you ever craved…?
Yeah…me either…but I have heard that other people give in to cravings only to find out that what they were really craving wasn’t what they turned to.
So…have you listened to your cravings recently?
What do you think they’re trying to tell you?
I had the opportunity to hang out with a passionate leader today who is seeking to make a positive impact in the city of Riverside, CA. For over five hours, we talked about vision, strategy, and resources as we drove around the city. I loved how focused he was on his vision, and yet he was still looking to get even more focused.
Without a focused vision, there’s no telling where you’ll end up.
Do you care where your life, family, or business is going?
My guess is that you do…but do you have a vision?
A vision is simply a mental picture of a preferable future.
Without vision, your life will…
With a vision, your life will…
Do you have a vision?
Is it to raise amazing, gifted kids to be creative leaders?
Is it to start a business and provide hundreds of jobs?
Is it to revolutionize your industry?
Is it to transform your neighborhood?
Is it to start a non-profit to change a village on the other side of the world?
What is it?
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