David Trotter – Author, Speaker, Consultant

Today, my family hung out at the beach for a couple hours with another wonderful family who we enjoy being with so much. The beach is an interesting place to watch other people.

• You’re in close proximity with complete strangers.
• You’re exposed to the elements like no other place. (water, wind, sand, birds)
• Kids feel the freedom to go nuts.

After watching a flock of seagulls commandeer a full, sealed back of chips from a sleeping teenage girl and experiencing a full-body exfoliation from sand flying from the beach towels of our own children, I watched in amazement as a mother desperately begged her young girl…no more than 5 years old.

“Jen, stand up by your sister so I can take your picture.”

“No, I don’t wanna!”

“Jeeen, I really want us to remember this day. Stand up so I can take your picture.”

“Nope.” She dug her hands deeper into the sand and squished up her face with displeasure.

“I’m telling you right now to get up there. Don’t you want ice cream later? If you don’t stand up and take a picture right now, I’m not gonna get you ice cream!”

It was absolutely comical…and a bit unnerving. I was so sick of hearing this mother beg the little girl that I almost got out of my seat and yanked the girl out of the sand. “Take the dang picture, Jen! I’m ready for your mother to shut up!”

I resisted…and the mother finally gave up.

Isn’t it funny how we try to coax our kids (and lots of other people in this world) to do something we want them to do. It’s not as though her choice in the moment was so much of an act of disobedience as a choice to disconnect from relationship. She didn’t want to participate in the moment, but two other people (her mother and sister) were doing everything (outside of physically moving her) to get her to stand up and get in the photo.

I’m wondering what the line is between inviting others to join us in the moment versus verbally assaulting them to join in. Is it possible to cast a vision for a different kind of life without creating a reward/punishment scenario?

What if I let the people around me be themselves? What if I modeled the kind of life I value and desire? What if I share my values and invite them to join me on the journey as they’re ready? What if I encourage them as I see them taking courageous steps in their life?

I wonder if that would be more peaceful and life-giving rather than all the coaxing that I witnessed today.

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I turned 37 years old today, and I feel better than ever! A lot of things have changed in my life over the past couple of years, so it’s good to look back and see where I’ve come from. It’s also good to look forward to the future as well…although it is partly unknown. Both disciplines have been quite helpful for me over the course of my life.

Looking Back
Gazing into the past year or two allows us to gain perspective on life. Oftentimes, we want to make such huge leaps of progress that we get frustrated about the minute day to day steps we’re taking. When we look back over a longer period of time, we’re able to see the great growth we’ve experienced. On the other hand, some of us haven’t been growing much at all…instead we’ve been creeping off-track. It usually isn’t a sudden veering off course. It’s a slow slide into the ditch of life. Looking back allows us to see when we’re fading a bit.

As I look back over the past two years, I can see changes in my…

• Vocation – I left full-time ministry – although I had planned to continue for the rest of my life. Now, I help businesses develop effective marketing strategies, and I create resources (writing & speaking) to help people live meaningful lives. I don’t plan to ever been in full-time ministry again, but I feel more “called” than ever to make a positive impact in this world in the ways that Jesus did.
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• Family – I left my wife and kids – although I committed to be with them for the rest of my life. Having not nurtured my marriage or family for years, I made some horrible decisions. Thankfully, by God’s grace, my wife gave me another chance, and we are enjoying our marriage and family more than ever. It’s been a lot of work, and it’s all been worth it.
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• Friends – I went from having more people than I could possibly keep up with to having three guys and a therapist willing to walk with me. Without them, I wouldn’t have made it. Now, I have a few people who I’m walking with daily through life, and I appreciate them so much. I feel like I’m freed up to be a friend rather than feeling the need to develop relationships for the purpose of building an organization.
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• Fun & Enjoyment – I barely “enjoyed” life over the past 16 years, because I was so driven to succeed at whatever I put my mind to. I’m done with that. Although I love experiencing success, I’ve re-defined it in many ways. Enjoyment is a huge part of what I want to experience with my family and friends. In fact, I AM experiencing it in small and big ways every day. 
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• Faith – As a pastor, I felt like a professional Christian. Although I worked hard to maintain an authentic way of life, I wasn’t at peace. I was worried about pleasing so many people…especially the “complainers” that are present within every church. Two years ago, I started de-constructing my faith by asking, “What do I really believe? And, what does it mean to live that out?” I sense that my faith is more authentic than ever, and I love following Jesus alongside some wonderful people in transition.
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• Feelings – Before I got a brain scan, I didn’t realize how anxious I felt about so much of my life. I was in a constant state of fight or flight, and thankfully Dr. Daniel Amen, Dr. Earl Henslin, and Randy Powell have helped me out with that. By taking anti-anxiety meds, I’m now able to relax, focus on people, and quit running through the massive to-do list in my head. I thought everyone felt the way I did, but I’m finding out that my brain is wired to be over-anxious. It was funneled toward over-working, and it was killing me slowly. I’ve taken responsibility for this, and I feel like a totally different person now. Ask my wife and kids…I’m the “new Daddy.”
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• Physical Health – A couple of years ago, I lost 35 pounds on the “affair and divorce diet,” but I wouldn’t recommend that path. I did start eating differently and exercising quite a bit, but when I moved back in with my family, my regime was derailed. I gained back most of the weight, but I don’t dare step on the scale to see. I started back at the gym a couple of weeks ago, and I’m more focused on the resulting health of my brain than looking like a skinny toothpick.
  

Looking Forward
Lifting our eyes to the next 365 days gives us something to shoot for. Rather than keeping our heads down and just putting our feet one step in front of another, there is something that compels us to take major strides forward. We’re looking toward growth, goals, or a greater sense of purpose. Looking forward prevents us from simply hanging out and collecting dust. We know that there are great things that have been planned for us, and we’re seeking to lay hold of them.

As I look forward toward the next year, I can envision…

• Vocation – I’m enjoying the clients that God seems to be bringing my way, but I’m committed to NOT pushing or striving to build a big business with a bunch of employees. In fact, I’d rather work with the wonderful contractors that I partner with on a daily basis than having an office full of employees I have to manage (definitely not my strong suit at this point in my life). Although I enjoy photography, my sense is that my primary focus will be in the area of marketing. I’m also deeply committed to helping people through my writing and videos which I’m developing regularly. Last year I wrote two books and one e-book, and I am currently outlining two more books that I’ll write before my next birthday. Hopefully at least one of my books will get picked up by a publisher as well. Although I’ve been told that I need a large “platform” to be published, that’s not my goal. My goal is to inspire and motivate people to live a meaningful life with rich relationships. I look forward to seeing how that plays out in the next year.
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• Family – I absolutely LOVE spending time with my family. I wouldn’t have said that two years ago, but God has radically transformed my heart. Before “all this” as Laura calls it, I was completely focused on work. Now, I can’t wait to hang out with Laura and the kids. We’re in the process of launching two small websites for the kids to sell products to other kids their age – all part of an effort to teach my kids entrepreneurial skills at an early age. In an effort to build some significant family memories and keep bonding in creative ways, I’d like to take at least two vacations and a long trip (2-4 weeks) to India in the next 12 months.
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• Friends – I’ve intentionally sought to develop closer friendships with a couple of people, and I’m really enjoying it. I’m also more committed than ever to connecting as a community with the people who are part of New Wine – love every one of them!
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• Fun & Enjoyment – I feel like I still need quite a bit of work in this area of my life. Although I’m enjoying life, I want to set aside more time to just have fun and laugh and play. I need to call my friends and say, “Wanna come out and play?” Although movies are enjoyable, I think I need to explore other avenues of re-creation that are more outdoors and more playful. I need to reflect on this one a bit more.
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• Faith – I’ve never been a big “prayer” person. Some people just seem to want to pray all the time, but I’d rather “accomplish” something. Well, I’m not sure what happened, but I began to sense that prayer and meditation needed to be more part of our weekly Sunday gathering of New Wine. We’ve been spending more time praying for our community and one another, and I’ve been more aware than ever of the power, counsel, and comfort of the Holy Spirit within me. I feel like my faith is more authentic than ever, and I’m excited to keep growing. As I think about faith projects this year, I would like to see more people sponsor children at the New Wine Children’s Home, and I’d like our community to take on several neighborhood projects as they arise.
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• Feelings – I’ve been learning about peace and stillness from a friend of mine this year, and she is always bugging me about just resting in God’s presence and letting Him love and heal me. She’s right…I need it. My stress level is so low these days, but I still get worked up from time to time. I’m not stressing about relationships hardly at all, and that’s a big change for me. I used to be so sick and worried about what others thought of me, and I just realize I can’t control that anymore…especially since all the craziness that I chose to unleash a couple of years ago.
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• Physical Health – I’m back in the gym, and I’d like to slim down a little bit. More than anything, I don’t want to end up with a “middle-age man body,” and I want my brain to feel good – which is what exercise seems to accomplish.

Winter is Gone – Spring is Here!
The truth is…I have a good life. I sense God’s love. I love my family. I’m enjoying my clients, and I absolutely love working with the 8TRACKstudios team – Erin, Danae, Dave, Eric, Lee, and Bangbay rock! I feel called to make a positive impact through my motivational and inspirational writing and videos, and I trust that God will open the doors to impact lives as He sees fit. I’m going to enjoy the next year no matter what comes my way, and I’m going to trust that God has a plan no matter what. I’m not in the Winter season of life anymore…Spring is here!

How about you? Have you looked back and forward recently?

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