David Trotter – Author, Speaker, Consultant

If you’re contemplating an affair or simply leaving your wife, there are innumerable reasons why you should go through with the decision. Since I have some experience in this area, I’d be happy to share a few of my thoughts in the form of the top 10 reasons to go for it.

Perhaps you’re feeling bored with your marriage…more like roommates than anything else. Or, maybe you’re experiencing so much conflict with her that you just can’t take it anymore. Or, you may not be attracted anymore to the woman you originally pledged your love to (i.e., your wife), and you’ve found some hot chick at work…or church.

Whatever the situation may be, you’ve probably been searching for “good reasons” to go ahead and make a move. You know all the reasons NOT to do it, but you’re probably hoping that there is another perspective that would align with the longings of your heart. Well, you’ve come to the right place. All those men’s magazines tell you how to get laid, but I want to help you understand why to have the affair.

You may not actually want to physically “leave” your wife…maybe you just want to have a little fun on the side. Statistics show that if you cheat (and get caught), you’ll eventually leave her…or she’ll leave you. One or the other usually happens. Well, let’s cut to the chase!

If you leave your wife, you can expect to…

10. Enjoy plenty of time and space to do your own thing.

All those “honey do” lists will be long gone. There will only be one thing she’ll want you to do…move out. Unfortunately, you’ll need to have a brief conversation about finances and how that will all work. She’ll probably get really angry with you, but it will be worth it. You will soon be shopping for your own apartment, and you can choose whatever you want. At first, you’ll get excited about that killer bachelor pad in the cool part of town (by the beach if you live near one), but you’ll probably settle for the most affordable option…a studio apartment or a one-bedroom unit near your family’s home (where you used to live). You’ll pull together whatever furniture you can find, and your schedule will be completely freed up. That is, once you shop for all the things you took for granted at your former home…pots, pans, towels, sheets, toilet paper, soap…you get the point. Have fun with all that new-found time and space!

9. Watch any movie you want and play video games 24/7.

You know all those violent action movies or pay-per-view pornos…feel free to watch them now. No one will be complaining or watching over your shoulder. On top of that, you’ll need to buy a new video game system for the kids when they come over. And, the great thing about it is…you’ll get to play it 24/7 when they’re not around. Your wife won’t be around to want your attention anymore. You’ll be able to turn off all the lights, crank up the sound, and kill everything in sight!

8. Eat anything and everything.

You know how your wife used to keep the fridge and cabinets stocked with all sorts of food? You get to do that now. (By the way, did you buy a refrigerator yet? You’ll probably need one of those.) Fill it with as much meat as you want…or microwave meals. Those things are way easier to fix than anything else, and there’s not a single thing to wash…as long as you use a plastic fork as well. Those are quite handy! If you don’t feel like eating, you won’t need to. And, if you just want to eat a bunch of crap all the time, go right ahead…hit that drive-thru every day on the way to and from work. By the way, be prepared to buy some bigger pants!

7. Work out as much or little as you’d like.

Since you’ll have so much time on your hands, working out may become a nightly activity for yourself. In the past, you may not have had enough time with some of your family duties, but now you’ll have more time than you know what to do with. You’ll probably want to lose those 10-100 pounds you’ve been packing on during the comfy years of marriage, because the hottie you’re having an affair with won’t be that impressed. If you’re not already having an affair, you’ll definitely want to lose the weight in preparation to find a new and improved woman. Jump on that treadmill, and start sweatin’ off the pounds!

6. Spend only a few hours a week with the kids.

I know you love your kids, but let’s just admit that they can be a pain in the butt. They’re completely self-centered. They want everything in sight. And, on top of that, they whine and cry. Another great thing about leaving your wife is that the kids will stay with her. You’ll have another one of those brief, painful conversations about when, where, and how you’ll spend time with the little rugrats. In the beginning, you’ll be bummed that you don’t get to see them all the time, but you’ll get over it. Every time you see them, you’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy. You’ll buy them toys, games, and fun stuff to eat. And, you can take them to places that their mother can’t afford to take them to…amusement parks, out to dinner, and any movie they want to see. Once they go home, you won’t have to worry about baths, homework, or bedtime craziness. Of course, you’ll miss out on the before-bed routines…answering precious questions, praying with them, and snuggling in bed. But, that’s okay, you won’t have to put up with all the tough stuff either!

5. Experience the golden silence of no nagging wife or screaming children.

Once the kids are back at the house where you used to live, you’ll have your apartment all to yourself. Total and complete silence…no more nagging wife telling you to pick up your underwear or wash your dishes or quit farting during dinner. No more screaming and whining from the kids when you ask them to do their homework, clean their room, or brush their teeth before bed. How does that silence sound to your ears? Golden? Yeah, now you can replace it with more soothing noises…music, movies, video games, and the crunching of chips as you eat them all alone in peace. You’ll start to hear the clock tick, the fan in your computer spin, and the footsteps of your neighbors as they approach their door. You’ll hear everything…even the voices within. How does all that sound?

4. Choose whether or not you even want to go to church.

You know how your wife asked you about all that spiritual stuff? Maybe even going to church? Now, you won’t have to deal with any of that nonsense. Let her chat about all that touchy-feely crap with all her girlfriends. Be a man, and be strong! All that Christian crap is for people who just need a crutch to deal with life. I’m sure you won’t need any of that. It doesn’t work anyway, right? Just pop open a beer, and plop down in front of the TV to veg out. Find something else to make you feel good….anything…just figure out what works for you. Of course, if all else fails, that whole God thing could be a back up plan. What do you think?

3. Have the opportunity to date anyone you meet.

Total and complete freedom…that’s what this new life is all about. Anyone you meet is fair game. Sign up for match.com or eHarmony. Create that profile…but you should probably omit that whole “I-just-left-my-wife” thing. That’s not exactly attractive to all those women looking for Mr. Right. I guess you’ll need to do one of two things. One option is to come up with a “story” that explains away that white ring around your finger where your wedding band used to sit. Maybe you could say that your wife died…or she’s the one who left. I’m sure you’ll come up with something. The second option is to date women who don’t care that you just left your wife. You’ll probably find those gals at the club downtown. Look for the really high skirts and the clear high heels.

2. Work as many hours as you’d like.

If you like to work a lot, now is your opportunity! Don’t worry about making it home for dinner on time. Make those extra calls. Take on that project that no one else wants to work on. Suck up to your boss and do whatever he/she wants you to do. On top of that, you can now take clients out for drinks, and you won’t need to worry about getting home before the kids go to bed. With all these extra hours at work, people will notice that you’re an amazing team member. They’ll affirm you for your hard work like your wife and kids never could. Congrats on finally getting the attention and affirmation of the people who matter the most!

1. Enjoy lots and lots of sex.

Finally, the number one reason to leave your wife…sex. Let’s face it. Your sex life hasn’t been that great recently…right?  Now you can have sex every single day with that new hot flame you’ve hooked up with…no need to sneak around anymore! It’s new and exciting, and you won’t be able to keep your hands off one another. In fact, you’ll probably be making love multiple times a day…before and after work. You’re finally living every guy’s dream. Of course, it’ll slow down eventually. Sooner or later, you’ll need to develop an actual relationship where you talk more than you grope and develop vulnerable intimacy more than getting naked. Don’t worry about that now though. There’s plenty of time to figure that out later…just like you did in your last marriage, right? If you’re not having an affair already, you’ll now have the chance to hook up with anyone you meet…at least whoever wants to be with a guy who’s just left his wife. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there like that.

There are plenty of “reasons” to leave your wife…whether you’ve had the balls to have an affair yet or not. If these reasons haven’t convinced you quite yet (to avoid the pain we went through) and you’re still contemplating what to do with your life, Laura and I would love to be a resource for you and your wife. Email us for help.

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Glancing backward
Can’t remember much
Other than wind in my hair
Performing in the clutch

Tough conversations
And momentary elations
Working harder than most
And proud enough to boast

Wish I could remember
Something other than dust
Like smiles and hugs
And embraces with thugs

With eyes wide open
Remembering today
Locking in the moments
Wondering what you’ll say

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Links:
www.nurmal.com
www.staceyrobbins.com

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Yesterday at the gathering of New Wine Community, someone mentioned that they anticipate negative things in their life. They said that negative things seem to happen so they’ve just started to look out for it.

My immediate response was, “Well that’s interesting…I anticipate great things happening to me!”

In my life, what I anticipate is what I tend to experience. Not all the time…but most of the time this is true. If I anticipate someone being disconnecting with me, that’s what I’ll experience. If I anticipate stress and anxiety in a situation, that’s what I’ll get.

Yet, if I anticipate greatness (positivity, peace, breakthroughs, financial success), it tends to come my way.

There’s nothing scientific about it. I can’t prove it. All I know is that I’m more interested in putting up my antennas and tuning them in to positivity.

This week, here’s what I’m anticipating…

• 8TRACKstudios – managing great marketing projects and landing at least one new client.
• 8TRACKdesign – working with our first interior design client in Los Angeles.
• Life Launch – writing at least two chapters of my next book.
• AWAKEN my life – mailing out sample copies of my recent book to a few contacts.
• Friendships – reconnecting with some old friends.
• Family – enjoying at least one great bike ride.
• Spirituality – meditating and reading the Scriptures.
• Moments – experiencing sacred moments that seem to come out of nowhere.
• Solutions – meeting challenges with creative solutions.
• Peace – celebrating and resting in “what is”…no matter what comes my way.

How about you? What are you anticipating?

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Here’s a sneak preview of “AWAKEN my life.” This full-color, paperback book (8.25″x8.25″) will be available for purchase at Amazon.com later this week. Although all of the 200+ photos were taken in India, the accompanying essay is applicable to everyone’s life. I have three other books in process, and they’ll be published through Nurmal Resources over the next few months.

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30 days ago, I set out to be more “intentional” about some things in my life…particularly in the area of creativity. I felt like I was getting in a bit of a rut (i.e., working for work sake), and I didn’t want to settle in that lifestyle again. I set out to be intentional in numerous areas of my life, and I’m bummed that I didn’t pull off everything I set out to do. Ironically, I ended up “experiencing” more than I expected!

A Few Highlights:

1. I landed two HUGE projects.
   I started the 30 days with multiple projects through 8TRACKstudios already in the works, but nothing new was getting started. Midway through, I landed two HUGE jobs that are keeping me busy and the cash continuing to flow.
   .
2. I lost 14 pounds.
   Although I’ve been “splurging” one day a week, I’ve virtually eliminated all bread, pasta, rice, cheese, butter, sugary sweets, and fried foods. In the process, I’ve lost 14 pounds. I only worked out twice, so I really need to get back in the habit of hitting the gym. I’m continuing the modified diet, and I’d like to lost another 10-15 pounds.
   .
3. I got really sick.
   I rarely ever get ill, but I had an intense cold for two weeks straight. I used Afrin nose spray after the first few days of suffering, and I didn’t realize that you’re only supposed to use it for three days. It jacked up my sinuses and actually ended up making them worse in the second week. Thank God for the Target pharmacist giving me a heads up on the issue. I feel back to normal now!
   .
4. I wrote a new book.
   Although I set out to finish “Life Launch“, it just didn’t happen. Instead, I started a new book called “Awaken My Life” that includes 200 photos from India with a raw, heartfelt essay. It should be published and available through Amazon.com within the next month. And, I’ll keep plugging away on “Life Launch”…it’s about 1/3 of the way done.
   .
5. I planted quite a few succulents.
   Originally, I wanted to take a floristry class, but I ended up arranging succulents in a number of vintage pots instead. I loved laying out the plants, and I plan to continue arranging them as gifts for friends.
   .
6. I had fun using my vintage typewriter.
   I’ve enjoyed using my vintage typewriter to type a number of notes to friends and clients, and I plan to keep using it. It truly causes me to slow down and think deeply about what I want to say to the individual.
   .
7. I captured hundreds of visual moments.
   I did quite a bit of photo work for corporate clients, portrait clients, and our family. I have several upcoming bookings, and I’m enjoying it as a side business.Rotating out 8×12 images on our photo wall and in our matted frames keeps our home looking fresh and unique.
   .
8. Our family bought bikes.
   We have loved the new activity for our family, and Emerson has just about gotten the hang of it.
   .
9. Our faith community is growing…in more ways than one.
   We started a faith community last year, and we truly enjoy being together…including our spiritual gathering each Sunday at our home. We’ve started connecting and sharing our lives with one another even more as of late, and the life-change has been tremendous. On top of that, we feel like it’s time to actively invite others to start joining us on this journey of following Jesus. It’s fun to see new people join the community and experience the beauty of it all.
   .
10. Laura and I celebrated 16 years of marriage…off and on.
    It’s been a rough two years to say the least, but we’re flourishing like never before. It’s amazing how the mixture of emotions surrounding our anniversary almost stole the opportunity to enjoy being with one another. I have such an amalgamation of loss, grief, sorrow, happiness, and joy when I think about our marriage. I really didn’t want to feel all that stuff at one time, but I openly shared all those thoughts and feelings with Laura on our way out to dinner. Frankly, the food and atmosphere were horrible, but we had a wonderful time just being together “in the moment”…not trying to fix the past or figure out the future.
    .
11. I hired a great assistant.
    Over the past year, I made somewhat of a vow to never have an employee ever again. I knew that was unrealistic, but it just felt good to say to myself. I find that there is so much added stress in managing someone else that I didn’t think it was healthy for me (or the other person). Believe me…I know that I’m not fun to work for. Well, it turns out that a new friend in our faith community really needed a job, so I suggested that he become my assistant. Frankly, I didn’t need an assistant, but he needed to learn some job skills…and I realized that I needed to learn how to invest in someone without trying to squeeze every ounce of productivity out of them. I’m investing, he’s learning, and we’re enjoying the journey.
    .
12. I’ve been focusing on a ministry of the “moment” rather than a ministry of “momentum.”
    In my former life, everything was focused on building momentum…every Sunday service, every sermon, every meeting, and every conversation. I’ve intentionally set aside my love for momentum which has caused me and others a great deal of pain in the past. Now, I find that I’m intentionally creating margin in my lie so that I’m available to be present in the “moment” for family, friends, and people in need. The results are quite different to say the least.
    .
13. I’m out of the rut.
    After 30 days, I feel like I’m not working for work sake anymore. I’m able to enjoy myself during the day for a few hours doing something other than “work.” Whether it’s photography, writing, watching an interesting show, or going for a bike ride…I’m giving myself permission to enjoy the moment.
    .
14. I still struggle with depression.
    At the encouragement of my therapist, I continue to take a low dose of anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication. The anti-anxiety meds really help me remain “present” with my family, and it prevents me from incessantly running through an arbitrary list of things I need to do. In turn, my need to be driven 24/7 has subsided a great deal.  These meds have literally changed my life. The anti-depression meds have alleviated the darkness that seeped back into my world last year. My therapist indicates that my brain in still healing from all the trauma that I put it through, and the meds are creating space for me to deal with my new life. My reason for living was pretty much destroyed when I walked away from full-time ministry. Now, I’m re-orienting my life toward new reasons to live, but it just takes time. When I wake up on many mornings, my mind is clouded with depressing thoughts that just aren’t truth about who I am or what my life’s about. It can take my breath away, and I work to get out of that mode quickly. Dealing with all of that is an ongoing process of learning. We’ll see how that plays out in the days to come.

Life is complicated, isn’t it? Well, at least mine can be. I love being intentional about each and every day…and the last 30 days were quite interesting.

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On Monday and Tuesday, I worked two 12 hour days, and it reminded me that I used to work 12 hours (almost) every day.

I loved it.
I thrived on it.
I was addicted to it.

Laura would often call me and ask, “When are you coming home?”
My response, “I’m just not sure.”

For the past two days, I’ve been working with the 8TRACKstudios team to finish two PowerPoint (dreaded) presentations (that would look amazing on Keynote). I love working with this client, and I don’t mind projects with an extremely quick turnaround. I can turn it on, and I can lead the charge to knock it out.

But, it takes a toll.

Yesterday evening when we wrapped up around 8pm (after finishing one of the presentations and extending the deadline on the second one out two weeks), I could feel the buzz…not a good buzz…but a buzz that lacks peace. As I warmed up some dinner and puttered around the kitchen, I looked at Laura as if she was a distant stranger who had just walked in the room. With only two 12 hour days in a row, I could feel myself turning inward to deal with the stress and anxiety of the project. I didn’t want to connect her or anyone else. I just wanted to finish the project and satisfy the client.

I used to feel that way all the time.

Embrace the vision.
See the goal.
Power up.
Head down.
Push through.
Avoid anything that gets in the way.
Feel the buzz.

Mid-way through the project, I’d binge on food to soothe my anxiety. That’s what I was dying to do last night. Laura needed dental floss and bananas, so I drove to the store. As I walked through the bakery area, I about ripped open a plastic container and devoured a 12 pack of donuts. I resisted.

Instead, I came home and ate celery and organic peanut butter.

Today…I worked…and took it easy…and re-calibrated my heart. I never used to do that, and it took its toll. I’m fortunate enough to be able to structure my life with a great deal of flexibility, and I’m intentionally harnessing it to work hard AND enjoy life.

I used to work 12 hours every day (because I thrived on the high and accompanying accolades)…now I can work 12 hours (or more) just when I need to.

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I’m about half-way through my so-called “30 Days of Intention,” and I wanted to give you a quick update. After feeling as though I was landing in a bit of a rut over the past couple of months, I wanted to find ways to jump start my creativity and fight the urge to “work for work sake” as Tim Ferris warns. I had a number of areas that I wanted to focus on, and here’s what I’ve been up to…

Creative Focus

1. 8TRACKstudios
   My work significantly slowed down in March and early April. Last week, two HUGE jobs finally landed…both of which I have been coaxing along for months and months. Since my work for clients is my top priority, this has taken the majority of my time in the 2nd week of my “30 Days.” In fact…last week, I spent 12 hours in 3 separate meetings with one of those clients. So thankful for the opportunity to serve wonderful clients. (Yet, it has prevented my momentum on other projects.)
   .
2. Health
   Over the past two weeks, I’ve virtually eliminated all bread, pasta, rice, cheese, butter, and sugary sweets…and I’ve lost 8 pounds. I caught a cold 10 days ago, and it has really SLOWED ME DOWN…even put me on the couch for an entire day. Since I get sick once every two years, I guess I can handle it. Unfortunately, my sickness has depleted my desire to work out…but that will change in week 3.
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3. Writing
   I’ve lack motivation to write in the midst of my sickness, but I pushed through and started a NEW BOOK filled with over 200 photos from our last trip to India as well as an essay entitled “Awaken My Life.” Due to my cold and two big 8TRACKstudios projects, I’m not going to be able to finish one book during this 30 day period, but I will finish this one.
   .
4. Filming
   I haven’t started filming my first DVD to accompany “Life Launch”, but I think I’ll be able to get started in week 4 of my “30 Days.”

Creative Concentrations

1. Painting
   I haven’t invested any time yet…lowest priority.
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2. Typewriting
   I’ve typewritten about eight notes, and some of them were included with books that I gave to several clients as gifts.
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3. Flower arranging
   I searched for a flower arranging class, but they were either too long, wrong time, or too much money. Then, I realized that I don’t even like arranged flowers that much. I LOVE flowers – primarily “arranged” in a single type of flower. Most classes focus on all sorts of arrangements…which I’m not interested in. So, I decided to spend the time and money I would have invested in a class on just buying the flowers themselves…and arranging them how I like. I also purchased quite a few succulents and arranged them in several vintage bowls that look quite amazing if I do say so myself.
   .
4. Photographing
   Although I’m almost done with a book featuring over 200 photos from India, I haven’t set out on a separate photo shoot for another book quite yet. I did enjoy a portrait photo shoot with a mother and son yesterday at CSULB…great time.

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Creative Re-creation

1. Family Time
   Family time has been great…as usual.
   .
2. Meditation
   Meditation has been minimal.
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3. Art Galleries
   I plan to check out the “Rooms” installation in Culver City in the next 2 weeks.
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4. Independent Stores
   During week one, I enjoyed a trip to Echo Park to check out some killer shops…landed my new favorite pair of shorts crafted from vintage men’s dress pants. And, yesterday, I had a great time at an antique store where I scored three vintage, egg-shaped bowls, a huge set of Viewmaster wheels and a 1960′s Viewmaster, and a beautiful white vintage phone.

So, that’s about it. Two huge 8TRACKstudios projects and a gnarly cold have been my focus…and I guess that’s a good thing…serving clients and taking care of my health. I will say that I’ve bounced out of my “work for work sake” rut though…I feel an internal freedom that I had lost for a few months. It’s feeling great!

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