subscribe

Blog

It’s Time to Re-launch Your Life!

On October 6th, 2010   /   Life Launch   /   Leave a comment

Almost three years ago, I made some decisions in an effort to re-launch my life. I was in a place of extreme burnout, and I just wanted out of my life. Ultimately, I hit rock bottom after destroying many of the relationships in my life and landing in a psych hospital for three days.

If it weren’t for a few friends and a great therapist (and the incredible grace of God), I wouldn’t be where I am today!

I was given a second chance, and life is much different these days. I have an amazing wife and two children, and I’m enjoying each day more than I have in 15 years. Life is radically different than those days of working 70-80 hours a week for the past 10 years. My “new normal” is the result of re-launching my life. Frankly, I have arranged my life in such a way that I can do whatever I want to do…

Through my own rock bottom experience several years ago, I found myself with more questions than answers – asking the same five questions over and over to ensure that I stayed on course toward the life I truly longed for. Through this process, I designed a system that empowered me to create the new life I truly wanted…one intention at a time. Rather than act as if nothing ever happened, I have chosen to open up my life learnings for your benefit.

In fact, I wrote Life Launch just for you.

For most people, life dissatisfaction is the result of living an unintentional life. Rather than remaining ’stuck’ in an existence you never wanted, Life Launch will provide you with the tools to re-launch your life. By peering into the implosion and re-launch of my own life, you’ll learn the five most important questions to ask yourself via The Process of Intention…allowing you to find a ‘new normal’ in The Seven Spheres of Transformation (life passions, romance, community, money and possessions, creativity and play, physical well-being, and spirituality).

Not only did I write the book for you, but I also created a workbook for personal or group study…AND I’m bring the Life Launch Workshop to you. The first one will be in southern California, and I’m planning workshops in various US cities in 2011. If you’d like to bring the workshop to your city, let me know!


Back to Top

The Idea Camp – Annie Lobert

On September 30th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   Leave a comment

At The Idea Camp, we had the opportunity to hear a conversation between Jud Wilhite and Annie Lobert with Hookers for Jesus. Here are my unedited notes which are most directly quotes from Annie with Jud’s thoughts interspersed…

The stats say that 90% of women who are prostituting are trafficked.

We have a double curse. The world throws us away when we get too old or too tired. What we’re finding is that when we tell someone we love them…we also have to show them. It’s a lifestyle of love.

When I realized that the church didn’t hate me…

I was scared to walk into church. I thought lightning bolts were going to hit me. We need to love people through the pain.

If you give the normal person 3 tries, you’ll need to get our girls 10 tries. They need a lot of grace.

Jud – I haven’t met a single person who said they like what they do, but there is codependence there…plus there’s the money…which is huge.

The main challenge of leaving prostitution is their relationship with the pimp. I was so in love with this guy. I was codependent with him. That’s the problem with the situation. There’s always someone behind the madness of them selling themselves. We introduce them to Christ, and he is their new man. He is their husband.

Jud – Sometimes, the church will say we need you to stop doing what you’re doing, and then we’ll accept you.

Women tend to go back 5 to 7 times. If a girl hasn’t quit, you just love them. That’s so transforming. One friend was coming to church for 2 years, and then she finally quit.

I remember when I was a little girl as I was going to Sunday School, and I never got that he loved me. I went back to that moment in time.

These girls beat themselves up. You hate yourself because you sold your body. You have to get over people judging you.

I love grace.

Jud – People ask me all the time about Las Vegas, and I just say…I don’t know…I just love them. If I’m going to err on one side, I want to err on the side of grace rather than judgment. I may get to heaven, and God says…Jud, you have been TOO loving. I’ll have to say…guilty.

Back to Top

The Idea Camp – Chris Marlow

On September 30th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   1 Comment

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to connect online with Chris Marlow, and we finally met in person at The Idea Camp. In 2009, he founded Help End Local Poverty which is dedicated to ending extreme poverty by helping to rescue orphans, restore their hope and renew their communities. Visit www.helpendlocalpoverty.com to find out what he’s up to in Haiti and beyond!

Back to Top

The Idea Camp – Mike Foster

On September 28th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   Leave a comment

In the evening session of The Idea Camp, we had the opportunity to watch a pre-recorded Skype interview between Charles Lee and Mike Foster. Mike has a new book out entitled “Gracenomics: Unlesah the Power of Second Chance Living.” Here are my notes from his talk – most of which are direct quotes…

We suck at showing grace to people. Our faith is being called into question based on how we don’t respond with grace. One of the most tragic things is when we experience the grace of God in our own lives, but we don’t extend it to others.

We’re seen as judgmental, anti-homosexual, and political. These aren’t just perceptions, but there is some truth behind it.

That’s what POTSC is about. How do we stir up grace and second chances in our lives and workplaces? There’s such a huge need and there’s a huge opportunity to redefine the position of Christianity as a position of grace.

One of our problems is that we have a vulture culture. It’s hip, cool, and in to feed off people’s failures. We love to see people’s failures…from YouTube to news clips.

The destruction of people and polarizing of the good and bad…we’re amused by seeing people fail and people in pain. That to me is a sickness, and I think that as Christians we can’t participate in. Yet, so often, we do.

I do believe that justice is part of the equation. There are laws in the land, and there are consequences. Ultimately, justice commits the cardinal sin of retailing…it overpromises and underdelivers.

We say – “this guy has to pay” – as if this will solve the problem.

Justice makes sense, but I’d like to respond in ways that don’t make sense. Grace doesn’t make sense. If you respond with grace, people will take notice.

Grace is so practical. Everyday, I’m given an opportunity to respond with grace or judgment. Just pausing for a moment to see someone else’s perspective can be helpful.

Back to Top

The Idea Camp – Nicole Wick

On September 28th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   Leave a comment

I attended a workshop led by Nicole Wick called The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Experiencing the Power of Confession. I wanted you to have the chance to meet this powerful, courageous woman and learn more about her blog.

Back to Top

The Idea Camp – Pornography Panel

On September 28th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   Leave a comment

In the second session of The Idea Camp, we had the opportunity to hear a panel discussion hosted by Jud Wilhite on the topic of pornography. Here are a few notes from what the panel had to share…

Jud Wilhite – Central Christian Church
Crystal Renaud – Dirty Girls
Dan Rodriguez – Clean Waters
Angus Nelson – author, speaker

Crystal – Pornography has been a male topic, but it’s an unspoken struggle for women. Pornography knows no creed or gender. The enemy will use what ever is necessary to bring you down.

Dan – I’m raising 3 young men, and they’re being bombarded with stuff that is horrendous. Dads don’t know what to do for their kids, because they don’t know what to do in their own lives…dealing with their own issues.

Angus – When you show yourself as being vulnerable, you allow others to do the same. Start talking about it, and you’ll give others the courage to come to talk to you.

Crystal – When girls come to me, they want to stop the symptoms. They don’t want to deal with the core of the issue – abuse, neglect, and pain. They’re using sexuality to try to heal that pain.

Angus – Counseling isn’t for people that are really jacked up…we’re all jacked up. Counseling is for anyone who is struggling.

Angus – You are not alone.

Dan – Secrets are silent killers.

Crystal – Come out of the shadows. Life is to be lived abundantly and not in shame and isolation.

Back to Top

The Idea Camp – Ted Roberts

On September 28th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   Leave a comment

In the first session of The Idea Camp, we had the opportunity to hear an interview with Ted Roberts hosted by Greg Russinger. Ted is a pastor  and is devoted to healing men and women who have become addicted to sexual behaviors through Pure Desire groups and conferences.Here are my rather unedited notes…

  1. Why is sexual addiction so hard for people to deal with?
    The dynamic of shame – feel out of control and worthless. Spiritual warfare – the enemy seeks to destroy the “image of God” which is best seen in the relationships between human beings.
    .
  2. The church needs to understand that sexual addiction is not a moral issue…but a brain issue.
    .
  3. Sexual addiction changes the chemistry of your brain – causing an escalation of the need for ‘more.’
    .
  4. “And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.” Ephesians 4:17-19 – The Message
    .
  5. Sexual addiction is about medicating your pain. To deal with the problem, it will require that you deal with the pain like never before. Instead of medicating it, you’ll have to face what hurts you the most.
    .
  6. Women who find out that their husbands are sexual addicts have the same emotional profile as a rape victim. The church needs to help women as much as men. In fact, women are the fastest growing segment of the population who are dealing with sexual addiction.
    .
  7. We should be addressing sexuality with our children by the first grade. There are very appropriate, age-based books, and Dads should lead the way.
    .
  8. 40% of women are involved in cybersex behavior (acceptable in culture and marriages are in pain).

For more information on Ted Roberts and Pure Desire, visit www.puredesire.org.

Back to Top

The Idea Camp – introduction

On September 27th, 2010   /   The Idea Camp   /   Leave a comment

Over the next two days, I’ll be blogging from The Idea Camp held at Central Christian Church in Henderson, Nevada. I’ll be sharing my story and leading a discussion in a workshop (Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair) and participating in a main-session panel on Sexual Restoration. For those of you who can’t make it to the event, I’ll do my best to share my thoughts and learnings along the way.

To watch the main sessions via LIVE BROADCAST, click here.

A few initial thoughts…

  1. Guide gathering – Last night, the speakers/guides for the event gathered at the home of Jud Wilhite to connect with one another. Although walking into a room of people I don’t know isn’t my idea of fun, it was great to meet a variety of people with the same heart…a heart to dialogue openly about sexuality and see others experience restoration and freedom. There was definitely a sense that this event was going to be groundbreaking in some way. Particularly, there is an expectation that the online viewing of the event will be exponentially larger than the number of people at the actual event.
    .
  2. Charles Lee – Charles is the instigator of The Idea Camp, and I love his heart to connect people around key ideas that are important in our current culture. I know what it takes to put on events like this, and he and his team are doing a great job.
    .
  3. Andrew Marin – I first became aware of Andrew’s work at a small gathering at Newsong Church last year. He seeks to bridge the gap between the gay community and the Christian church…creating awareness of the cultural divide and stimulating healthy conversation. He and I got into it pretty good at the event, and I had a sense that there may be a connection somehow. Ironically, the organizers of The Idea Camp have us rooming together at the hotel. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my conversations with him, and his heart to create dynamic conversation is inspiring.
    .
  4. Video interviews – I’ll try to get some quick video interviews from speakers and participants along the way. We’ll see what I can pull off.

Stop back by this afternoon, and I’ll let you know about the first session.

Back to Top

Coming Home + Spiritual Growth

On September 23rd, 2010   /   Faith   /   4 Comments


photo by David Trotter

In recent days, I’ve had a couple of people ask questions about the spiritual aspects of the story I share in Lost + Found: Finding Myself by Getting Lost in an Affair. My guess is that the questions reveal a general curiosity and a lack of information in the book pertaining to my spiritual growth and transformation process as I reconciled with my family and was welcomed home.

I think my best thoughts are found in the chapter entitled “Spiritiuality” in my new book Life Launch: Creating a New Normal One Intention at a Time, which the majority of this post comes from…

As I recovered from my own life implosion, I was able to deconstruct a great deal of what I had been experiencing over the previous 10 years. Here’s what I began to see about the spirituality I had developed…

1. God became a product I sold.
While starting a new church, it can be extremely difficult to rally a sufficient amount of people to create momentum and ultimately pay the bills that go along with the venture…including my own salary. I gave in to the temptation to help God develop a more appealing persona by creating a slick and sexy package.

There are an abundance of tools available to pastors to attract potential church attenders…fancy lighting, booming sound systems, ginormous video screens, and eye-catching graphics. We used every bit of it…all in an effort to help people connect with God.

Hundreds were positively impacted, and countless lives were changed. Marriages were healed, and addictions were left in the dust. Meanwhile, I was coming up with every possible way to prop Jesus up and make him look more sexy so that people would come and worship him.

During the two years of re-launching my own life, I clearly saw that I had made God into not much more than a slickly packaged product…and I was sick of it. I wanted God to be God…not a product I had to hawk at a makeshift flea market every Sunday.

2. I connected with God so I could teach others.
Rather than creating an awareness of God in my life so that my soul would be fed and my attitudes and actions would be transformed, I was more interested in coming up with something powerful I could teach others. With Sunday morning rolling around every seven days, creating an entertaining, life-changing message was more important than nurturing my own relationship with the One who created me.

After leaving ministry, I realized that there was no reason to read the Bible, because I wasn’t going to be giving a Sunday message. There was no real reason to spend time meditating and praying, because I wasn’t trying to be inspired to pump people up. In reality, I had very little need for God.

3. My life was more focused on ‘doing’ rather than ‘being.’
Because my full-time job was to lead a church, I was consumed with thinking of projects I could enroll others in. Whether it was a mid-week group to study the Bible or a multi-thousand person event to impact the city…my focus was on performance.

I was a driven leader that coerced my staff and hundreds of volunteers to perform with excellence and efficiency…all in the name of reaching out to our community with a message of Hope and Love. There was very little time or space in my spirituality for ‘being.’ In its very essence, ‘being’ is the process of simply existing in the presence of God. In this space, peace, hope, and transformation began to develop. It’s more an attitude than an action…more a way of the heart.

4. Doing good things for God was my total focus.
There is a passage in the ancient scriptures that warns us about growing “weary in well doing.” That was me. I had such a deep desire to make a positive impact on the world that I didn’t stop to ask myself what was driving all of this energy. And, I definitely didn’t consider the negative ramifications upon my own health. Good deeds were more of the focus than God’s desires for my family and my life.

5. I didn’t take the concept of Sabbath (or rest) seriously.
The last thing that became crystal clear as I deconstructed my spirituality was the lack of attention to what’s called the Sabbath. In the Bible, God instructed the Jews to set aside one day a week for rest. Although this is widely understood in Christian churches, it isn’t widely practiced. Frankly, I rarely took a day off, and when I did, I was still thinking about work. Somehow, I thought God would reward this, and I thought the church would benefit in the process. Not so much.

Spirituality…Take Two
As I lived alone and then ultimately moved back in with my family, I was slowly making changes to my spirituality. As I deconstructed certain parts, I allowed the rubble of what used to be to simply lie there. I wasn’t in a hurry to find all the answers or put something back together. As I started reconstructing my faith, here are the things that started to truly come together for me.

1. God loves me and never leaves me – no matter what you say.
I blew it big time! I left my wife and kids and resigned as the pastor of a church in order to have an affair. It was horrible…and yet, God loves me. In my faith, the Bible is central to my knowledge and understanding of who God is. The ancient scriptures tell me that God will never leave me nor forsake me. God is with me no matter what. Although some people may try to convince me that I’m tarnished in the eyes of God, I just don’t buy it. I’m a sinful human being, and I’m forgiven by God because of Jesus’ death on the cross some 2,000 years ago.

2. Jesus seems to know how to live a rich, meaningful life.
As I re-read the gospels, I was convinced that Jesus seemed to have a good handle on how to live an amazing life. Up until 2.5 years ago, I was living a frantic, hurried, stress-filled life. I wasn’t living the life of hope, joy, peace, and love that I saw Jesus living. I wasn’t experiencing what he taught about, and I knew that something had to change.

Instead of being consumed by doing all sorts of good stuff for God, what if I just started following Jesus? In the Bible, Jesus called all his disciples with two words…”Follow me!” That’s it. He challenged them to leave everything else behind and join him on the journey. So, I’m trying that perspective out now. What if I just learned from the teachings of Jesus and followed him?

3. I’m out of the sales business – now I want to model, share, & encourage.
Full-time church work feels like a sales business to me. Maybe it’s not for other people, but it’s a brutal field to be in. Ironically, I feel just as ‘called’ as ever to help people connect with God and live an amazing life, but I don’t ever want to ‘sell’ God again.

For me, selling God looks like creating a slick package to make God look attractive to people who wouldn’t otherwise be interested. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m not knocking it for other pastors and leaders, but my weaknesses get triggered too easily by orchestrating a big weekly hoopla to praise Jesus.

At this point, I just want to model a life of following Jesus authentically. I’m focused on sharing my learnings along the way with anyone who is interested in listening. And, finally, I’m passionate about encouraging people who are trying to love and follow after God themselves. Model, share, and encourage…feels much more natural than package, promote, and proselytize.

4. People are more important than anything else in this life.
I love projects. I love envisioning, strategizing, and executing a plan that results in the accomplishment of a goal. There’s something powerful and adrenaline-producing about that experience. Unfortunately, much of the reason why I focused so much on building a church in the past was a deep desire to reinforce my own identity. I was more concerned about the hit of adrenaline and the boost to my ego than I was about the people involved.

With the help of some anxiety-reducing meds and the retooling of my heart, I’ve chosen for people to be the most important thing in my life. Not so I can leverage them to accomplish my goal…but so I can partner with them to see their vision come to fruition.

More than ever before, I love spending time with people (despite the fact that I’m a slight introvert). It is my belief that God created every single one of us uniquely, and we are made in God’s image. There is something extraordinary about human beings, and every person deserves love, care, and compassion. This is as much part of my spirituality as anything else.

5. Rest, playfulness, and creativity seem important, too.
I believe these three things truly flow out of my relationship with God. They aren’t disconnected from who God is. Rest is something that God commands me to do, and I’m learning to embrace God’s directive. It is for my own benefit, and it is a spiritual practice. Playfulness is an outgrowth of my ability to enjoy life moment by moment. If God gave me this one and only life to live, I want to playfully enjoy it. Finally, I want to express the creativity within me. If God is my Creator, I believe that God put the ability to create within me. I don’t have to be the best artist in the world in order to express these unbelievable gifts.

These breakthroughs and insights came primarily through conversations that I believe were led by the Spirit within close friends as we processed life, spirituality, and ministry. Although reading Scripture and connecting with God through specific times of prayer is important, I found that God used daily conversations with my three friends and therapist to speak in profound ways. You’ve got to remember that all things associated with ‘church’ and ‘ministry’ were part of the process of selling God. Reading the Bible and prayer represented the process by which I received a message to share with my congregation…and less about connecting with the Creator of the world. As I continued to deconstruct my faith (and view of ministry) and reconstruct a new relationship with God, I find myself turning to Scripture and prayer more often than ever before.

Back to Top

What Kind of Person Could…?

On September 18th, 2010   /   Life Learning   /   Leave a comment


photo by David Trotter

As I was driving my son to school this morning, we were listening to the radio when the hosts started running through a few “newsbytes.” One report was about the woman who claimed she was attacked with acid. After her story began to unravel, she admitted that her wounds were self-inflicted, and the whole thing was a hoax of some sort. After one host read the news account, the other host said…

“What kind of person could do something like that?”

Maybe you’ve asked a rhetorical question such as this. Or, as in my case, maybe you’ve had this questioned asked about you. Either way, the question is loaded with judgment. The underlying implication is that she is a sicko, freak, idiot, and/or failure. The simultaneous implication is that the question asker would never do such a thing…wouldn’t even think about it…nor would they do anything else that would be classified as sick, freaky, idiotic, and/or failing.

This wasn’t the first time I heard that her wounds were self-inflicted. I read about it online yesterday, and I had a very different reaction. I didn’t ask the same question as the host. Instead…I had compassion.

I knew the exact type of individual who would inflict wounds upon themselves…someone just like you and me.

I’ve been the one who has inflicted wounds upon myself. Not with acid…but with unhealthy, destructive decisions. When we as human beings find ourselves in a desperate situation, we tend to make decisions that don’t make sense. Yes, the host is correct, her decision to throw acid on her face doesn’t make “sense.” On the other hand, I totally get it.

I don’t know what her exact circumstances are, and I don’t need to. I can quickly ascertain that she is hurting, broken, and in need of hope…before (and after) burning herself. My hope is that she’ll get the emotional, relational, and spiritual help she needs as her physical wounds are healing.

Maybe you’ve asked questions like these…

  • What kind of person could have an affair?
  • How could someone possibly waste all that money on gambling?
  • What kind of mom would kill her own children?
  • How could anyone ever ______________?

It’s easy to ask the question of others and stand in judgment over them. It’s easy…until you’re the person they’re asking about.

Have you ever wounded yourself by making unhealthy, desperate decisions? Did people have compassion for you? Why or why not?

Back to Top
Page 3 of 131234510...Last »

About David

I'm a strategic marketing consultant, entrepreneur, photographer, writer, and creative communicator. I love spending time with my family including my wife of 17 years (Laura) and two amazing kids (Waverly and Emerson).

Get In Touch

12340 Seal Beach Blvd.
Seal Beach, CA 92340
Phone: 949.335.2925
Website: www.davidtroter.tv
Email: david(at)davidtrotter.tv