photo by David Trotter
“Honey, I’m going to bed…I’m tired.”
“Okay.”
“Are you coming?”
“Nah…I think I’m gonna __________.”
Fill in the blank. Watch TV? Finish a project? Work? Because Laura gets up before 6am to get ready for her day, she usually wants to go to bed by 10pm, but I find myself wanting to stay up another hour or two.
Prior to leaving home over two years ago, we had a TV in our bedroom, and we’d go to bed together. She would fall asleep, and I’d watch Letterman or Leno and doze off with the TV on. She’d wake up around 2am to the sound of a voluptuous woman luring in callers to spend $4.99/minute to waste their money.
When I moved back home over two years ago, we both agreed that the TV needed to be extricated from our bedroom so that it wouldn’t be a distraction for both of us.
So…instead of falling asleep to the TV in the bedroom, I found myself choosing to stay up later than Laura…only to fall asleep on the couch instead. After a few months of this habit, I got sick of waking up at 2am in the living room and stumbling through the darkness into bed.
My guess is that this very scene unfolds in homes across the US (and even the world) every night. As I talk with couples, I’m finding that more often than not couples go to bed at different times…and even in different rooms.
What would happen if couples starting going to bed together?
Would it increase connection and even sexual intimacy? Would their be more of a sense of partnership than individuality? Would couples be less irritable from actually getting more sleep?
As this school year began, Laura needed to start going to bed early again (10am-ish), and I made the bed decision I could have made. I decided to go to bed with my wife…at the same time. The results have been tremendous…not overwhelming…subtle, but tremendous.
Here are several reasons why I would suggest going to bed at the same time…
- I am more of a supportive partner.
I know that Laura feels more connected and secure when we go to bed together, and my choice communicates my support for her. I’m not distracting her by staying up later, keeping the TV on in the living room, or stumbling into bed at 2am.
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- I feel more connected to my wife.
There are whispered words and tender touches that are uniquely expressed and experienced at bed time. When I go to bed at the same time, those experiences are happening regularly. As a result, we’re closer…more connected and more intimate.
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- I’m getting more sleep.
Instead of peeling myself out of bed at 6:30am to make lunch for the kids, I’m rested after 8 hours of solid sleep. Now I enjoy watching Letterman, Leno, and Fallon on DVR the next day if I have time. If I don’t, no worries. I don’t need to watch them. They’re simply mindless candy, and my relationship with my wife and deep sleep are more important.
For the past couple of months, we’ve been going to bed together every night, and I’m loving it. How about you? Do you go to bed with your partner?
Today, I had the opportunity to join Sue Fries for an hour interview in the Salem Communications studio in Glendale for a live broadcast of the Sue Fries Show on KKLA 99.5 FM. Frankly, I was a bit surprised that I would be invited on a rather conservative Christian radio station because of the nature of my story (i.e., affair). Although we only chatted for a few moments last week, I felt like we had great rapport from the moment I walked into the studio. She made me feel at ease, and her heart to impact the lives of listeners was so clear.
This weekend, Laura and I had the privilege of speaking at all four services at 
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