Don’t Worry About Keeping Your Pants On…
photo by David Trotter
I heard someone say the other day…”The best way to avoid having an affair is to keep your pants on!”
I guess that advice could possibly work. Frankly…if you have to tell yourself to keep your pants on, it’s way too late.
When it comes to topic of infidelity, most minds head straight to the thought of sex. That’s what an affair is all about, right? It’s about a secret rendezvous…a random hook-up…a moment of ecstasy.
In my late teens, I remember a mentor telling me, “You’ll have an opportunity to cheat on your spouse. The question will be, ‘Is that momentary pleasure worth the loss of a lifetime of love?’” Although I deeply appreciate his heart-felt warning, the question didn’t work for me.
First of all, it assumes that it’s just the momentary pleasure that I would be looking for. It assumes that sex is the focus. Although that may be true for some men who have an affair, it wasn’t true for me, and I don’t think it’s true for most men.
Most affairs don’t start with taking your pants off…they start in the heart.
There’s an ancient proverb that states, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” The source of life flows from the center of our very being…our heart. This “heart” isn’t the physical object that pumps blood to and fro. It’s the center of your will, emotions, and conscience. A person’s heart reveals his or her true nature and motivation.
The trajectory of my heart is what determines the focus of my love.
If my heart is set toward my wife…loving her, serving her, and devoting myself to her…my heart won’t be set toward another woman.
If my heart is unprotected and roaming about…searching for a ‘connection’ that will satisfy an inner longing…my heart will be wide open to finding anyone who provides me with the slightest bit of nurturing.
