Five Ways to Test Your Man’s Heart

photo by David Trotter

If you’re wondering if your man may be cheating, here are 10 signs to be aware of. If you notice one or two signs, keep an eye out for what he’s up to. If you notice a few more, you may want to consider testing your husband’s heart.

That’s where it all starts…his heart

It doesn’t start in the head, and it doesn’t start in the pants. It starts in the core of his being…the seat of all our desires. The human heart. An ancient proverb warns, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” The human heart is to be nurtured by searching out true and lasting life. It must be protected from that which offers a false promise to fulfill…and is nothing more than a broken cistern.

All words that come out of a man’s mouth and all actions that emanate from his very being flow from one source…his heart. If you want to know if he’s being true to you, test the source of everything. Test his heart.

1. Look him in the eyes.
   In a casual moment when the TV is off and you’re talking about your day (if that ever happens), look him in the eyes. Stare at him…not with a look of intensity or anger. As he speaks, look at him with eyes of understanding and affection. In fact, look through him. Look deep into his heart.

   Does he look away?
   Does he look back at you?
   Does he ask you what you’re doing?

   Be honest…tell him that you’re looking at his heart. The way he reacts will tell you if he’s comfortable, weirded out, or really nervous.
   

2. Ask him to serve you.
   What have you been wanting your man to do for you recently? Perhaps you’ve been waiting for him to catch a hint and get a clue, but he just hasn’t. Maybe you’ve actually asked him to do it, but he’s procrastinated. Use your skills from step #1…look him in the eyes, and ask him directly.

   Tell him how much it would mean to you if he does ________________. I don’t know what it is. It’s probably something that’s been nagging at you for months. Maybe it’s painting the fence or cleaning out the office or making dinner or taking the kids to school. You know exactly what it is.

   You’ll learn a lot about the condition of his heart depending on his willingness and readiness to serve you.
   

3. Ask him to pray for you.
   If you are a person of faith (or perhaps not), this is a powerful indicator of your man’s heart. Undoubtedly, there are things going on in your life where intervention from the Almighty would be incredibly helpful.

   Are the kids challenging your patience?
   Do you need wisdom on problems at work?
   Is your physical health in need of restoration?
   Do you need God’s help in forgiving another person?

   Whatever it is, ask him to pray for you. Grab the remote and turn off the TV. Sit next to him on the couch, and look him in the eyes.

   “Honey, I’m really struggling with something in my life right now, and I think the only one who can truly help me is God. Would you mind praying for me right now?”

   Notice, I didn’t say praying with me…which insinuates that you may be doing the praying. You’re asking him to pray for you. Another indication of the condition of his heart.
   

4. Ask him what your best qualities are.
   Yes, he can describe the greatest qualities of his favorite sports team or athlete. Maybe he can elaborate on all the newest features of the iPhone. But…can he admire your best qualities? Does he see all the features and assets that you’re displaying on a daily basis?

   “Babe, I’ve been thinking about my life quite a bit lately. I’m wanting to build on my strengths and not focus on my weaknesses as much. What would you say my greatest strengths and qualities are?”

   Wait…wait…yes, this will reveal his heart.
   

5. Ask him to join you in setting goals for your family.
   Yes, this may be a stretch for your relationship or family, but it’s a powerful indicator of his plans for the future.

   “Honey, I’d really like us to sit down and talk about our future…not just our finances…but the quality of our relationship and family. I want to talk about what we can do to grow closer as a couple. When can we do that?”

   If he’s ready, willing, and able to genuinely join you in the process, this is a good indication of his devotion. If he declines, hesitates, or procrastinates, be aware. He may not be planning to be around in the future.

Although you may find it underhanded or devious to even think about testing your man’s heart, you’re doing it every day and you don’t even realize it. As human beings, we’re constantly sending out signals and waiting for clues to the other person’s devotion to come back to us. We want to know if we can really trust the person that we’re with. That’s true whether it’s your man, a close friend, a co-worker, and even your boss.

These 5 steps are simply an intentional process to explore the condition of your man’s heart in order to create a greater awareness of his devotion. Although he may respond with awkwardness, you’ll see what’s going on inside of him. Don’t be blind to the clues that arise, and don’t be afraid to look a little deeper.

Coming Soon – “7 Secrets to Turning Up the Heat”
In the next few days, I’ll share “7 Secrets to Turning Up the Heat” in your relationship. He’ll either devote his heart fully to you or become so uncomfortable that he’ll out himself. Stay tuned!

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In preparation for the release of my new book “Lost & Found“, I’ll be addressing the topic of affairs and infidelity over the next few weeks. If you have a question you’d like me to address, email me.