5 Reasons Why Your Man May Be Cheating On You
photo by David Trotter
So, you’re picking up on some signs that your man may be cheating on you? And, you’ve been testing his heart, and you’re wondering why he would even be interested in straying from your relationship…am I right?
From my own experience and my discussions with other guys who have had an affair, let me share five reasons why many men choose to cheat on their women.
- Men cheat for the thrill of it.
Although I’ve never tried illegal drugs before, the ‘high’ of an affair is like no other. The thrill of having another woman be interested in you is a gigantic boost to your ego. If you feel down about life, work, or your current marriage, there is something completely intoxicating about the affection of a woman that isn’t your current partner/spouse. The adrenaline that pulses through your body is powerful and life-changing. It’s as if nothing else matters, and the attention and connection with the other woman is the only thing you can focus on. The possibility of getting caught only adds to the thrill. In a weird way, having an affair is the ultimate adrenaline sport. - Men cheat because they’re unfulfilled.
The desire to experience that ‘thrill’ flows out of feeling unfulfilled in the current relationship…and most likely life in general. Not only was I disenchanted in my marriage, but I was sick of my entire life. This lack of fulfillment isn’t necessarily in the area of sex. It’s oftentimes in regards to emotional connectedness and intimacy. In my own situation, I desperately wanted someone who would give me a sense of completion I was lacking…a greater degree of partnership, more affection, and more nurturing. Although some wives feel responsible in some ways for their husband straying, ultimately it is the man’s choice. He believes that this new woman will finally be everything he has hoped for. Yes, a marriage is two-sided, and both play a part in the degree of connection and intimacy, but he has chosen to find that fulfillment in someone else…rather than investing his energy into his marriage. - Men cheat to sabotage the relationship.
Instead of being man enough to work on their marriage (or choose to end it), some men sabotage the relationship by connecting with another woman. It’s an easy way to require you as his wife to make the hard decision to end the marriage. In a weird way, he’s more willing to break your heart by being with another woman than break your heart by just telling you to your face that the relationship is over. - Men cheat to experience freedom.
Perhaps your man is feeling tied down and constricted by the dynamics of your relationship. He may feel smothered and restrained from being the person he thinks he needs to be. Although this may or may not be spurred on by your behavior, he may feel constrained in a way that is causing him to look for “true” freedom. He wants to do whatever he wants…whenever he wants to do it. He thinks that the ultimate liberation is found in choosing to be with another woman. - Men cheat because they want more (and different) sex.
Some men want to experience sexuality in a new and exciting way. (Did I just write some men? Mild understatement.) There is something intriguing and powerful about the possibility of experiencing something (and someone) for the first time. His fantasy of being with a woman who he’s spent time with at the office or church or a restaurant is a powerful draw. As human beings, the more we envision and fantasize something…the more possible that experience becomes. We start to be drawn to it, and we set up scenarios where it becomes possible. The chemical reactions that begin to occur lure us toward the culmination of what we’ve ‘dreamed’ of…more and different sex.
What do you think? Do these reasons resonate with you?
If you’re a man and you’ve cheated, what was your reason?
If you’re a woman and your man cheated on you, what reason did he give you?
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In preparation for the release of my new book “Lost & Found“, I’ll be addressing the topic of affairs and infidelity over the next few weeks. If you have a question you’d like me to address, email me.
